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Dear Abby,
I am a 20 year old female and in January of 2007 I had surgery to correct a birth defect, Pectus Excavatum, also known as a concave sternum. This surgery, which uses a metal bar to hold the sternum in the correct position, is normally performed when the patient is about 13 or 14, or right before their last growth spurt. At the time I should have gotten the surgery, my doctors thought that it would be a purely cosmetic fix and that the defect wasn’t causing me any problems. It later turned out that I needed the surgery and was performed soon after. But because I grew up with this defect I never thought of my chest as being abnormal, not until my first boyfriend when I realized that chests weren’t supposed to dip that ways. Anyways, now that I have had the surgery, I find myself having a hard time adjusting to my “new” look. Since the surgery I have become extremely self-conscious and I avoid any shirt that is “low cut” despite the shirts still being rather modest by today’s standards. Also because of the surgery I am unable to wear anything constrictive around my chest, including bra’s, especially ones with under wires because it causes bruises from the two metals rubbing together, this means I can’t wear many of the fitted shirts I used to love wearing, my feel good shirts, further lowering my self image. I recently married and my husband constantly reassures me that my chest looks absolutely normal and that I have nothing to hide, yet for some reason, my mind refuses to accept that its not horribly noticeable. I worry at times that my surgery has turned out to be a purely cosmetic fix and that the results aren’t worth the pain I went through. Is there any ways that I can boost my self esteem and get my mind to accept that this was all worth it?
Modest in Manhattan