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lol i just re-read an old PRIVATE entry...wow...i hardly feel any different...it's funny really...right now my stomach feels a little queasy...i've been so stressed lately...my chest feels numb...like i don't have a heart anymore..or at least not a working one...my eyes are watery and i've already shed a few tears...why? why does it hurt? some people may know what i'm talking about...i bet most don't though...oh well...oh and here's the entry that i was re-reading:

i'm pathetic
well, i'm a pathetic person...i hate how i look, quite a bit of how i act....i have acne...woopdy doo...i'm not skinny, i'm not pretty...i'm not strong...sometimes i feel like people wouldn't miss me if i was suddenly gone...oh well...also, about my bf...i feel like he should have the best because he's such an amazing and caring person...i feel like i'm not good enough for him...like he should be with someone better, much better than me...he would probly argue with me if i said anything about it to him...i want to tell him about this and how i feel, but i'm just too shy...i don't stand up for myself...i try to help other people even if i, myself, feel horrible...but hje does much more than that...he protects people with his sword and life...i keep thinking that he's about my age, but he's almost 2 years older...it brings me back to reality a bit...he and i may never meet...we may never kiss or hold eachother in our arms...he and i may just be a "faze" for both of us...i hope it'll last and be much more...i love him so much!...i haven't even met him, but i miss him...i feel like i could marry him, but i doubt he would want to marry me...although he did say before that i am his for now and forever...and also says once in like a week, or month, that he loves me forever...i feel so happy when he says that...come to think of it...i've never even heard his voice...he has my cell number, but he's never called me...he says it'll only be a day or 2 before his webcam is fixed, but it's been at least 3 days...he may never actually get it fixed...oh well...either way, there's an update even though no one else will read this...