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I do not know why, but i feel like typing. I can't seem to finish a good drawing anymore. I feel like I am changing. I want to become a good Christian, but I seem like I just can't at times. I wasn't born into a Christian, to be honest, I wasn't born into any type of religion. I feel like I was born into darkness, because I always felt conferable in darkness. I now know, that almost everything I did in the past was wrong. For me to finally learn, that everything I did and they way I live was the very reason i was in pain is hard to deal with at times. I see my self, fighting my self at times. It's hard changing. I wish I could stay in the middle. I really do, but I know I need to change for the better. I have to change for the better, or i know my family will fall competently apart. i don't want that. I want my family to be happy as they once was. I want them to be happier then they ever felt like. That is why I need god and his light. I need to show them the way. I just need to be stronger. I just pray to god to help me find the right way. I just live to survive, now I need to live life for god. God please help me.....I hope it will make since to him.....because even I don't know what I truly need.