|
Chapter Twenty Eight~ The Bloodied Knife |
|
|
|
|
|
|
The days passed slowly, more so than I ever would have imagined. Every time I tried to press Hyiru for answers he seemed to just collapse in on himself and fall into a lethargic state. Finally I quite asking. I could tell he was having a hard enough time.
I sighed as I looked over the frail scientist. He lay balled on my sofa, his ragged breaths the only sound in the whole complex it seemed.
It was so hard to try and go on. Anako and Lariel… that conversation… the whole thing.
Why am I the only one that’s left out!?
They said died. But I’m drawing breath and my heart still beats. How can I be dead? Maybe I am and this is hell.
Anako is gone after all, there’s a dying old man on my couch, and I’m feeling a little sick.
From time to time I find myself in weird places.
This morning I woke up in Gran’s rocker, a piece of cake from who-knows-where in hand and a socks on my hands.
The day before I was in the bathtub. It was filled with (to my utter relief) red dyed water. I was wearing my best white robes too!
The first time I really gained consciousness though, I was in my birthday suit with ribbons tied in my hair that had unfortunately been cut, and badly so.
Either Hyiru’s not as ill as he seems or I’m losing it and have really bad hair now.
I sighed defeated and fell back into the couch. I felt the same insane darkness tug on my edges. They wanted me to abandon this stupid world.
I laughed. I don’t what else to do. What can I do?
Tears streamed down my eyes as the dark bitter laugh fell from my mouth.
I want to just die. Just roll over and give up.
I’m jobless, hopeless, moocher that can’t hold any job. I’m completely useless, a waste of space and light.
I felt a light weight fall onto my lap.
I blinked away the tears, trying to stop laughing.
I looked down into Hyiru’s eyes. They looked at me with such accusation.
I cried now. The sobs so hard they felt as though I was splitting in two. That was better though, than the mad life I was currently dealing with.
“Stop that Rhyns.” A honey sweet, yet ominous voice commanded.
I laughed at them. How ridiculous they were being! How could I stop, how can I change anything. I’m still that pitiful wretch that Mika found. I’ve tried to change for Anako but he’s never here, he doesn’t want me! My choking laughter turned instantly into a sob.
Then I knew I was in hell.
I felt his delicate arms wrap around me, his silken hair brushing my face as he rested his cheek on mine. His tantalizing scent washing over me.
“Why do you cry?” he asked softly, his hands running through my chopped, ugly hair.
“Because you don’t love mw! Because I’m a complete waste of space and life! I’m not worthy of life!” I sobbed, I was in hell, that’s the worst they can do? Dismember me? Poke with white-hot pokers? Throw me in a vat of acid….. okay, that might actually hurt. But I’m already dead, dead inside. There’s nothing they can do to me.
“I love you Rhyns, you don’t seem like a waste of life to me. You’ve been the personification of it.” The sweet, malicious voice said.
That was something I didn’t count on them using. They were going to wrench out my heart and force me to break even more. What then? Do they want me to go jump in the vat in acid myself? Where’s the line, I’ll take myself there.
“Why do you torture me so?” I sobbed, trying to pull free of his comfortable, imprisoning arms.
“….” The voice was silent, the arms slide away.
“Oh, Anako…” Another voice said. “He’s broken. More than I imagined.”
“Please.” I heard the bittersweet voice beg, “Find Master Friela. Please.” He said it so softly I could hear the tears in his voice.
I looked back to see Anako slumped to the floor, his knees pulled to his chest and head resting on them, shielded by his arms.
I felt a hand take my cheek, but weakly fall off, writhing on my shoulder as it struggled to retain an ounce of life. I turned to look down at the frail man leaning on my lap.
His pale eyes stared at me, staring hard.
“Don’t twist the blade in heart any more. He’s already done more for you that he’s done for anybody else.” Hyiru told me.
He pulled himself into my lap, cradling my head in his arms. He rocked me gently, patting my head.
“You’re dear to him, he can’t stand to see you like this. You’re killing him”
Killing him.
Killing him. Killing him. Killing him. Killing him. Killing him. Killing him. Killing him. Killing him. Killing him. Killing him. Killing him.
I felt my mind cleave in two. I felt the whole world fall black. I was killing the man I loved! It was not lust or for money! It was real! I was killing him!
I looked into my hand and sure enough was the bloodied blade Lariel had said I had killed him with.
I was most horrible person ever! I was killing, destroying all those who interacted with me!
I screamed out, gripping tightly to Hyiru, burying my face into his sickly thin chest. I didn’t want to think any more, I don’t want to live any more.
 Ray the Good Soldier · Mon Oct 29, 2007 @ 04:50am · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
