So. I've pretty much buggered alot up.
I ******** things up with the guy I love, and I'm glad he can be forgiving.
Since it all started I havent eaten, since I made a promise not to do anything that will kill me (overdose, self harm, drink)
But those were more of a way of punishment.
If I do something wrong, I for some reason punish myself pretty badly.
Even if its accidental. Like if me and Paul are messing about i hurt him by accident.
I'll sit there well basically mentally abusing myself. As well has making sure i have some sort of pain.
I don;t know why? But I cannot stop.
Now because of me being a complete a*****e this last couple of days
It took over again that part of me who punishes.
Now I havent eaten for a few days and when i go to. Something tells me not to.
The palms of my hands are very sore from the constant tightning of a fist.
Even though we are back together. I feel the punishing must go on for all the hurt I caused =/
I seriously need help =[
I ******** things up with the guy I love, and I'm glad he can be forgiving.
Since it all started I havent eaten, since I made a promise not to do anything that will kill me (overdose, self harm, drink)
But those were more of a way of punishment.
If I do something wrong, I for some reason punish myself pretty badly.
Even if its accidental. Like if me and Paul are messing about i hurt him by accident.
I'll sit there well basically mentally abusing myself. As well has making sure i have some sort of pain.
I don;t know why? But I cannot stop.
Now because of me being a complete a*****e this last couple of days
It took over again that part of me who punishes.
Now I havent eaten for a few days and when i go to. Something tells me not to.
The palms of my hands are very sore from the constant tightning of a fist.
Even though we are back together. I feel the punishing must go on for all the hurt I caused =/
I seriously need help =[
![[Nympho] Whore](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/12/96/3c424a02339612.png?t=1316041160_6.00_11 "[Nympho] Whore")