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What is there to say? We'll like most people with journals im gonna mope.... I must admit that this night was quite fun. Hanging out with Ryan Wapple, Chris Ray, Joel, and Kelly.... but i find that I'm just not a happy person. We went to go see beaverton today, a place in hidden pond that we started to build our own log cabbin, and it was dark and scarry. I got over it of course, i actually wanted to scare people, but thats not the point. In every conversation i came to realize that i bring nothing to the table..... in that click of ours each person has an specific personality, not a stereotypical one, but one you know belongs to that person. And me? it just seems that im along for the ride. So im either pissed off and humiliated when i hang out with Matt and Mike, or I turn into a hopless romantic depressed person when i hang out with Ryan and everybody. I just can't win in my life. Plus the fact that I'm extremly jealous when it comes to Kelly *sigh* any attention she gets from another guy is just maddening... alas there's nothing i can do, or should do about it. I just feel like such a burdon when it comes to hanging out with her, like this barrier where she can't say or do certain things. Granted she's a girl and wouldn't go streaking with us... but i sometimes wonder if she would if i wasn't there. And THAT makes me even more jealous. I'm such a freak! God i hate myself sometimes.... such a contradiction in a bottle. Maybe i just need a girlfriend, someone i can just.... be with... i don't know. Well.... got work to do so i better go, the room seems to be tilting for some reason so i think my brain says it's time for bed.