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Uncertain feelings strike again..

My former EIC gave me the task to edit her drafted appeal, to insert some valuable points, to give some details on AP office ransack incident.. everything I can add up to highlight BT’s suppressions.

On work site: all reports were in progress and needed to be validated.. My email was really on hyper activeness. Every other replication on my internal lotus notes created new inbox item.. And how I hate to see those red highlighted lines. They always bring me on deadlines paranoia and OT modes..

My trainings have been re-scheduled due to my oh-I’m-still-busy-kindly-resched-it-tomorrow syndrome..

Seven search folders, five sametime chats, three word docs (all are AP and PLM matters), 15 excel files, five internet explorers, four communicator, YM is hided in my tray, and of course my lotus notes. Every window is trying to catch my attention. I feel so messed up.

It’s like just your PC is controlling you to accomplish all the tasks yet your brain is so stubborn deleting everything to agitate your PC to crash himself..

My lunch is tasteless. Anything that touches my buds is crap, except for my raspberry juice.

I hate to hear the beeps of my phone, so turned it into silent mode. But I hate more the vibration it created, so turned it off.A friend invited me to watch a movie, but I declined. Another one set a wall climbing session, and declined it, too. Oh yes, I’m so anti-social.

And the whole day gave me a no casual feeling of loneliness and anxiety, with no justified cause-and-effect relationship, aside from petty details I noticed. My fingernails are not cut evenly, I have pimples, my cycle is nearing, I’m not yet finished with my sola, and very much far to finish all the workloads. The clock ticks at 630. I made to office by almost 10am and currently acting like a boss flying the station with no output at all (this one is exception from petty details.)

Just few minutes before I shut my windows, I saw a sort of passage. Not a copy-cut but goes like this.. Deal it with enthusiasm but if you can’t, never over hang yourself pretending you enjoy it! Stop and figure your worries. Then take a left turn..

See some logic here?