The Common Sense List
By: Dr. William Xavier
By: Dr. William Xavier
1. Proper finances; this means not only having sufficient funds for everyday things but also money set aside for emergencies and fun activities. In addition, making sound financial decisions as a couple not one person making all the money decisions. (I know this should not be the first thing on a list, however, reality dictates that money is the key item here.)
2. Love; Major player in relationships. This is the reason you are with the person in the first place. Sex has nothing to do with love, that is lust, and though that is important, love should take the stage before intimacy and lust.
3. The realization that each relationship and person is different; Now there are some people out there who have been burned and others who do the burning. What is important here is that you treat the next relationships as a completely separate relationship because unless you are hooking up with the person you just left then you are dealing with a new person with a completely different psyche. That is not to say you cannot learn from past mistakes, however, it is wrong to assume the person in this relationship knows every thing about you from the start. This is where communication comes in.
4. Communication and openness; this means that as a couple both parties must be able and willing to talk to each other about anything, good, bad, or ugly. Now I know it may take time to get your thoughts together on a subject but silent treatment stuff sucks for both sides so try not to use it. If you need time to think let the other person know, be considerate of their feelings too.
5. Trust; Now I am not talking about trusting the person with you life, this is more of an emotional and psychological trust. It is like this, if this is a long term-relationship that means you want to be with this person. If you cannot trust that person then do not bother with the relationship cause there will always be that “What if” going through you head.
6. Sensitivity and caring; Simply being able to tell when a person is happy, sad, angry, upset, ECT. Now sometimes signals can be crossed as to the person’s feelings, when that happens ask and if you are being asked, please do not be angry or mad. The other person is simply trying to find out how you are feeling.
7. Healthy sexual relationship; being able to communicate turn-ons and offs as well as fantasies to each other are important. You like porn tell your lover you like porn. You not into a**l, tell your lover you do not do a**l. Depending on your level of comfort with talking about sex, it may take time to open up fully but it is important that you do. Sure sex is not everything; however, as many people know a bad sexual relationship can be very detrimental to relationships.
8. Compromise; Now this ties in with everything in a relationship. It is hard for people to adjust from taking care of themselves, say financially or emotionally, to sharing those responsibilities with another. It is hard work to open up and allow another to take control sometimes. What must be taken into consideration is making sure that there is not always one person making all the compromises. Funny thing is that both sides can see it differently. What one person may think as trivial the other may think they are bending over backwards and not getting any return on the compromise.
9. Time alone; I do not mean like spending 6 out of 7 days away from each other, especially if you live together. What I mean is that every once in a while people need some time to themselves. Wanting not only time alone but also knowing that when somebody wants time to himself or herself it is not a negative thing unless they want to be alone all the time, then there is an issue that needs to be discussed.
