Do you love me yet?
This is not how a relationship is supposed to be. I mean, he cares about me...but the romantic relationships envolve phone calls, and constant talking, and smiling when you see eachother, and knowing everything about eachother. I don't even know his favorite color. I don't know his eye color...because I don't know if he wants me to look into his eyes. What would he think of me if he knew what I wanted? Would he think it was awkward and break up with me? When I asked him to dance, he looked at me like he didn't know me. And I didn't know what to do, so I just walked away. I know...I'm supposed to take risks...but I don't want it to end. He's a great guy, but I don't feel as if I deserve anybody.
But I don't want to know if it's worth it all. I just want to live in the moment, but I'm never content with the moment...because he doesn't love me. And it's hard to show him I can be loved, when I'm to afraid for it to end. I want to walk to his house, and I want him to run out just to say hi and ask me why I walked all that way just to see him. I want to create memories of my first love. I have nothing but the memory of a title, to compare this relationship to. The title of boyfriend and girlfriend. Which I wish never happened, because it was wasted thoughts, when I could of been looking at my options of life. Instead, I was looking at the palm of my hand, when the world was below it. I need to learn to look past the things of the objects in front of me.
Exactly. ANd instead of buying me something, I want him to pick me a flower and tell me how much he cares that I'm still alive.
heart heart heart
I can't remember if I already posted this poem, but I'll post it again.
KEY TO MY HEART
I see you walking by my house
My heart and mind won't agree
What surprise you have in store
My soul can't wait to see
I run in front of you, stop at your feet
You open your hand and reveal a key
A slowely take it from your palm
Its warmth comforts me
I hold the key and close my eyes
Then shove the blade into my chest
The world disappeared around us
I don't ever want to rest
-Maggie-
