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my story
“When the moon is full the girls with wing can fly accuse the sky. They watch the shooting star go by. Hmmm hmmm. When the moon is full the girls with wing can fly accuse the sky. They watch the shooting star go by. Hmmm hmmm” 2 girls cap sing. While a currish boy in a tree very close and watch they. Suddenly he fall out of the tree on fall on his head.”aaaaaahhhhhhh! ooooooooowwwww owwww!“ The two girls run over and asked “are you ok and what are you doing here?” “ Oh you mean me?” the boy said pointing at himself with one hand and holding his head with the other.
” Yes who are you and what are you doing here.” The two girl said together.” Oh I’m Yuki and lost and I hear you two sing so I clime in the tree here to get a best look and so I could hear you better.” Yuki said. The two look at each other and look back at Yuki. “What you got lost? Oh I’m Hoshi.” One of the girls said. “And I’m Luna ha ha.” The other girl said “We’re twins.” Hoshi and Luna said together. “Oh yeah I got lost? Will I go in the wood by my house and I want to explore more of it but I got lost.” Yuki said. “Well you most have when a long way.” Hoshi said. “Yeah no one live for mile.” Yuna said. “Oh did I mention I’ve been lost for three days ha ha.” Yuki said. “ Three day!” Yuna and Hoshi yelled “Are you ok!” “Yeah I’m fi-“ Yuki said suddenly clasped. “ Yuki Yuki are you ok!” Hoshi and Yuna yelled “Luna gab his other arm and help me bring he in the house.” Hoshi said. “Yeah ok!” Yuna said gabbing his other arm. “Let’s put him in the spar room.” “Yeah good idea Luna.” Hoshi said. They started put Yuki in when they hearing him snoring. “He didn’t clasped.” Yuna said. “Yeah he just fall sleep.” Hoshi said. “We might as well take he in and let him sleep” Yuna said. “Ok.” Hoshi said taking Yuki in the house.

“Hey you're finely waking up. You’re been asleep for a week.” Hoshi said. “A week why didn’t you wake my up!” Yuki said jump up out of bed. “Ha ha you’ve only been asleep for little more then two days witch isn’t that surprising.” Hoshi said giggle. “You don’t sleep when you got lost did you?” “Well … no. Were Yuna?” Yuki said looking around. “That expanses why you were asleep for a little more that two days, and Yuna is cooking dinner. Are you huger?” Hoshi said. “Oh I’m not hug…” Yuki’s stomach here growling “er…” Yuki said. “Oh your not?” Hoshi said grabbing Yuki hand, “Come on diner should be ready!” “Ok ok stop pul- Oh wow it looks amazing!” Yuki said look at all the food. “Thanks,” Yuna said turning around, “I tough you be awake tonight so I made it special.” “Wow… but why make it special because of me?” Yuki said. “Because we don’t git guess really often.” Yuna said smiling. “So sit down and eat.” Hoshi said pushing Yuki in a sit. “Thank you, but I don’t know what to eat first it all looks so good.” Yuki said looking at all the food. “Mmmm…. Try the curry.” Hoshi said handing the curry to Yuki. “Ok it looks really great,” Yuki said putting a big bite in his mouth. “Mmmmm yummy it’s really good.” “Thanks,” Yuna said “I’m glad you like it. Hoshi want to try something new?” “Ok You always make great food.” Hoshi said putting a big bite in her mouth. “Mmmmm yummy but I’m not surprise you food is all great. But you don’t use-“ “No! You know I don’t was that when I cook!” Yuna said mad because of what Hoshi said. “Use what?” Yuki ask looking back and forth between Luna and Hoshi. “Oh nothing! Just a cook book is all.” Hoshi said. “ I forgot he was here. Hoshi we have to make sure we don’t lit him know we can do magic.” Yuna whispered.





inuyashastargirl
Community Member
inuyashastargirl
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  • User Comments: [2] [add]
    DarkSlayerKisaraValentine
    Community Member
    avatar
    commentCommented on: Thu Aug 30, 2007 @ 10:39pm
    Not bad. Some grammer mistakes. But I like the story line. I'm not the best person to ask how to grade a story since I only draw them not write them. Now my twin on the other hand she's really good at writing stories. Her username is Darkness_Yumi and she can give you tips if you want to improve your story. And I say that's pretty good from my point of view.


    commentCommented on: Thu Aug 30, 2007 @ 11:35pm
    i like it inu. just remember what i told u about starting a new paragraph when the person speaking changes. if that makes sense. sweatdrop its pretty good tho.



    Sako-Han
    Community Member
    User Comments: [2] [add]
     
     
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