Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

 
 

View User's Journal

Poems
Anonymous
I chose not to have a title for this poem(Well actually I couldn't think of one XD)

The little girl waits
patiently by the ocean
shore.
Her hands are
damp from the fresh
morning dew layed gently on
the fuzzy tulips peddle.
The new born sun moves
slowly across the blue spot
sky,
lingering behind the sour
rain spewed clouds.
She waits for her mother
lately born to the
sea
to join her mind once more.
Her long, wispy, sun-kissed
locks flow whimsically by her cracked
crimson finger nails.
Her eyes are exhausted from long nights
of heavy tears
barren to loves lost
memories.
Identical face, dress, hair, and flower
day by day
she waits for the moment of
her mother's return.
Even though deep down she knows
she can never come
home.

Please leave me a comment on what you think!





Teh Royale
Community Member
Teh Royale
Prev | Next
Archive | Home

  • [08/19/07 07:52am]

  • User Comments: [1] [add]
    Sagittarian Archer
    Community Member
    avatar
    commentCommented on: Mon Sep 03, 2007 @ 08:10pm
    It's not bad.
    The top half is more description heavy while the bottom is more emotional heavy, try evening it out a bit more is the only advice I can give you. The fuzzy tulip peddle line I didn't like too much, and I think velvet would be a better term, but that's just my 2 cents.


    User Comments: [1] [add]
     
     
    Manage Your Items
    Other Stuff
    Get GCash
    Offers
    Get Items
    More Items
    Where Everyone Hangs Out
    Other Community Areas
    Virtual Spaces
    Fun Stuff
    Gaia's Games
    Mini-Games
    Play with GCash
    Play with Platinum