I know he gives me stuff, but why is it I'm not able to get things on my own?? And why is it he owns all of the items I've ever wanted to own? He either needs to stop doing that or just hide his inventory from me. I mean that just really sucks. It's like a slap in the face.
It's bad enough he beats me at school and band. He has more friends, he's more secure than I am, and he's just a better person.
And it all bothers me so much. He has old friends and they have their inside jokes. When he's with them it makes me feel left out. I don't have old friends to joke with. I never had friends. And I still don't. And it doesn't bother him because there's no one else to distract me from him and so he always has my full attention.
All through band camp it was just utter s**t because I had no friends and everyone just ignored me. And the only friend who did remember me was Amanda. Although I don't know if she's really my friend anymore. She doesn't really stick with me for long if there's someone else around. Like the other day we were just talking and then she suddenly spotted Dustin sitting across the room and she just turned and walked away from me to sit next to him. They looked so cozy there together I just decided "******** it" and hid in the locker room to cry again.
I just hate it so much. I don't even know what I'm doing in band anymore. Obviously I'm not there for friends, don't have any. I'm not going for a career in music. I guess I'm just there for Dustin, which doesn't make any sense because he apparently has all the band friends he needs.
So what now? I really don't know. I guess I'll always be just Lisanne, that quiet kid who no one really cares to know.
You know that girl who sits alone and never talks? The one who doesn't fit in anywhere? The girl who cries to herself but won't admit what's wrong? That's me...
