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...My sad little world colapses around me.

Today has been a bad day so far. It's one of those days when I start feeling really depressed. And then the thoughts I tend to have are not good. Like how a few asprin wouldn't really hurt me, but the big bottle of them at home would do a lot of stuff.

And I guess what's scary is that when I'm like that, I can't really think of any reasons why I shouldn't just obtain that large bottle and end it all.

Of course, I would never do anything like that, but the thoughts are still there. In fact, over the years thoughts like that have started to come up more and more.

I've always had self-esteem issues, but I guess it's gotten worse over the years. Often times I find myself just wanting to give up. There is no way I, with my horrible grades and health problems, can measure up to this ideal that I feel like I'm supposed to be doing. It's hard to be falling as hard as I am, and have a sister who's doing great. Sometimes I just feel like giving up and not bothering with trying anymore. Why should I, when my family has one good daugter already? Light gets good grades, she's not over weight...she might have faults of her own, but there are so many times when being her sister just depresses me.

To go into the kitchen and find her report cards put up on the fridge, sometimes next to my own. A's and B's next to barely passing... Of course, none of my report cards are even put up any more. Though her's are.

I guess what really troubles me about being like this (besides being like this) is that I really am probably depressed. Anyone on here can see the signs of it. You've all seen my writting habits drop and almost dissapear. I honestly just don't feel like writing when I'm depressed, and it's becoming something I do less and less. And it's something I've always loved to do.

I don't honestly believe anybody really comes in here, but it's kinda nice to be able to express thoughts that take over my mind all the time...