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May 11, 2005
Well last night I was up talking to Ralph and Rico again... I showed Ralph something funny on Gaia and then he decided to join Gaia again... I told him about the kilts and monacles so I think he's going to try to get those items. XD He likes making the monacle face. o_q Ralph made a chat today and invited me and Jon. Jon didn't mention anything about what I said yesterday and I didn't want to bring it up either. I don't really hate him. Actually he was nice to me today. I waited a very long time before inviting Kaz to the chat. Like four hours. Anyway, Kaz did something on Gaia that hurt me really badly, and I complained to him about it in the chat, which started a fight. Ivy and Jon were the only other ones there by that time, and Ivy left because she hates it when Kaz starts arguing with me. I feel so horrible right now. All I want is for Kaz to like me. I care about him so much. I'm not happy with anyone else. My whole relationship with Josh feels like a lie. I tell him I love him and stuff, because saying things like that is expected. But I really don't feel that way. And I feel so bad about that, even though he doesn't know how I really feel, I feel wrong about it, mean somehow. Like I'm lieing to him. Well after Kaz left the chat Ivy came back but then had to go. Jon offered to talk to me about it. He's being nice now... But the chat ended early tonight. Maybe I really shouldn't invite him anymore. x.x I don't know. I'll decide tomorrow if he gets an invitation or not, unless someone else decides to invite him, which doesn't happen much. I wonder if the others even like him being there. I feel worse now than I have in a long time.
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