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(music=evans blue- the pursuit)

life is great, i'm finally the person i want to be, i've stopped lying to my parents, i'm gaining their trust back(they're actually going to let me have a myspace again in about a month or 2), the girl i plan on asking out seems to be coming out of her depression from what i hear... i actually can't beleive that life is this good... the only way my life will get better isn't for years to come, when i have the one thing i want in life... a loving family of my own, a wife and kids.

It's kinda weird that i know what i want in life actually, most people refer to their jobs when they say what they want but i know with every bit of me that what i want is to be a father, to be there for my family, to have a close family, the one i didn't have...

you see, my parents weren't happy for years before their divorce, the only reason they had stayed in the marraige was because of me, and then when they did get a divorce and my dad moved away mom had to start working more, and eventually her mentality went back to that of a teenager, and i was forced to become and adult at the age of 12, i raised myself, i fed myself, i got myself to the bus. all in all i took care of myself, maybe not as well as i could of but i did fine for myself, i wasn't doing drugs, drinking, i didn't start cutting untill i had moved in with my dad (i've quit by the way). but i just wasn't happy, and i was ignoring the fact because i didn't have anyone to turn to, my mom was the cause, and all my friends had their own problems. so i just shoved my depression to the back of my mind. it wasn't untill i had been living with my dad a few months that i realized that i didn't have to raise myself anymore, (shortly before that was when i had stopped cutting for the first time.) and then i met Natasha, and i found out what it felt like to be in love, that's when i started wanting a family of my own. but then she dumped me... and for a week or 2 i started cutting again. (again i say, i've stopped, that was the last time i did it, i still have the scars but i can't change that.) i became a mess after that, under the impression that she would take me back one day i tried to be her friend and she betrayed me. i started ignoring her and she wants to be seen...

anyway, enough of my depressing past. life is good now, and i'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.