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I have never, never before this moment been so thoroughly convinced that I should have had the opportunity to learn more in high school.
My high school band was....crap. sweatdrop I've played the trumpet for over 10 years now, and 7 of them were within the walls of public school. Did you know, I was playing it wrong for that amount of time? gonk

I wish I'd been taught more. I wish I'd been able to learn more. Then, maybe, when I'd come to this place where I am at right now, I wouldn't be so lost.

I have a lot of listening, a lot of thinking, a lot of composing, and a lot of practicing that I need to do now - and I just didn't have the opportunity to do these when I started school. And now, well....now I'm faced with the realization that I have to work much harder to achieve the same level that other people can just arrive at naturally. And....I'm angry, and I'm scared, and I don't want to do it. stressed

But. stare

I want to be a composer. eek

I want to be a composer. 3nodding

And sometimes, what you want is not an easy thing to find. xp

I just hope I have the tenacity to pull it through. sweatdrop crying