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I realize now that as I sit here listening to a favorite song, I continue to think about Kizami. It's surprising, it's been almost a month, and I still can't seem to make heads or tails of anything.
I have music to get me out of anything. If I'm upset, I turn to music. Music has gotten me through this. Ridiculous as I know it sounds, but music has freed me from everything.
Now you're probably thinking, I was talking about my ex, and now I suddenly switch to music. The truth is music has, is, and always will be the greatest part of both our lives. I find it odd that music triggers the greatest part of my emotions towards him, yet I won't get through any of this without it. I feel free from any conflict I may feel towards him.
I have found that he does have a new girlfriend. I could tell myself that I don't care, but truth is, nothing about this has hurt me more than that thought. Jealous? Probably. In fact, yes, I am jealous. I'm not about to hide it. To still even be friends with him would clear those emotions. To just know that he would still direct words towards me would be enough. I'm not confident that it will ever happen, but a good friend of mine told me today that Kizami is different, and that I will stay on his mind for a while. I am skeptical about this as well, considering the fact that he has already moved on to another, but life hands plenty of surprises I suppose....^^
For the most part, I'm okay. I am, and will continue to get through this. And to all those who actually bother to read my entries, I will eventually give you something more interesing to read about...^^
 Piratical_Nonsense_Youkai · Sun Oct 17, 2004 @ 11:58pm · 0 Comments |
