If this doesn't make any sense, or if you're just going to critisize, then don't comment. This is mostly just an entry for myself, but I'm making it so that others can read this.
They all say that good things must come to an end.
It's been, what? A year? A year and a half? Two years?
I can't let it go.
Every time I think I'm over it all, I have a dream.
These dreams come at the most inopportune of times.
What brings it up?
A simple reminder of something that happened to be going on that was mentioned in conversation?
These dreams are confusing.
Hearts on paper of the shape of a sideways 8.
Infinity.
But the pattern is of a green maze.
So he loves me eternally, but is confused and jealous?
Or DOES green represent jealousy?
Half of my exsistence is telling me that it's fate.
That he's the one.
But the other half is telling me that I'm too young.
I cherish things too much
I can't let go
I have the rest of my life ahead to look.
That side usually wins the argument and the part siding with fate shuts up
Until someone just happens to mention something that we happened to do together
Seeing a movie.
Completely different movie.
Didn't think about him the whole day
Until that dream.
Why can't I let go?
If it was meant to be, it will be.
It ended over something stupid.
The whole situation is just stupid.
"Puppy love," as some say.
Yet I can't stop dwelling upon it.
I've wanted to kill others because of it.
I've wanted to kill myself.
It was so ridiculous that I laugh now.
I seemed so.... pathetic.
I now know that life is too precous to waste upon a stupid crush.
I'm saving my depression for more important things.
Things that are not in my life now.
I used to be so unstable.
Somehow I've gained stability.
I'm not sure how or when, but I am grateful.
I don't want to see him again.
I do want to see him again.
I have to
No, I don't
I want to
I don't
I love him
I hate him
I don't care
He's over me
No he isn't.
He had a new girlfriend
He didn't love her. EVERYONE saw that.
So? Point?
He loved me.
Keyword: loved.
He still does
He's over me
How can I tell?
He said so. Remember "Suki da"? He doesn't care.
He just said that because he doesn't want to admit it.
How do I know?
Because he and I dated for almost a year.
So? That doesn't mean I know him THAT well. He didn't know me that well.
Because I didn't open up to him.
Because he was just another guy, except if I had nerve, then I could've kissed him.
And not be called a sicko?
Exactly.
But we had a connection!
But we couldn't survive one freaking stupid argument!!!
........
Exactly.
..... I think he cried that day.
If he did, then it was a helluva lot less than I did.
How do I know?
Because I know guys and what they want. Not only generally, but some induvidual.
Okay then. What did HE want?
.....
Lemme put it this way; what did he want from ME?
.......
Exactly.
....But I've got an ever better question.
Oh yeah? What?
...What did I want from HIM?
........
No more comments?
....I think this interview has just ended....
...Exactly.
Anti-confusing translation: I've been feeling a little confused over my last relationship and hadn't had another since then, and basically, every time I think I'm over him, he shows up. Whether it be in my dreams, in my mind, or if someone brings him up. I just want to let go and get over him. Sometimes I even just want to forget him and pretend none of it ever happened.....
Katie Sea Community Member 
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