7/13/07 :: My life is pretty... Unsatisfying.
I've never written an entry about my actual life, but I need to vent somehow. Before I start, I'd like to say that this isn't a "I hate my life" or a "I wanna die" type of pseudo-suicidal 'blog' sob story. I like living, and I'd prefer to stay alive and enjoy life. I just feel like I've hit a downward slump, and can't get up.
Let's start with the beginning: the day school let out. To be honest, I wasn't ready to leave. I wanted to stay and hangout with my friends and teachers, not go home for three months. The first week or two, I felt a longing to return, so I decided to e-mail my teachers. After a few days, my favorite teacher sent my friend a message, so I eagerly rushed to check my inbox. But to my surprise, there wasn't a message waiting. That was the first thing that hit me. It felt like he forgot about me (it wouldn't be so hard, if he hadn't of said that I was one of his favorites; that I was mature, funny, and creative), and I felt angry and disappointed. I sat on the computer for days, just waiting for the reply; sadly, it never came.
Not long after that, I sent a message to my second favorite teacher. He always replied, which helped to lift my spirit. Although he wouldn't become my new top favorite, he definitely gained more respect from me.
During this whole time, my mom and sister were constantly finding something about what I did that they didn't like. Whether it was being lazy, not helping out, or not having complete control over my friends; they just wouldn't leave me alone. The last straw was when my sister told me that my mom was tired of spending money on me. After that, I tried to keep quiet around them, and stay out of their way.
Trying to stay out of my family's way, I wanted to leave the house more often. Problem is, my town is a boring, back-water dumpster; and I was left without a way out. So, I tried visiting the small 'downtown' area and river not too far from my house. It didn't take long before I was insanely bored, and I just wanted to go somewhere interesting. But, I just ended up going back home.
Not too long after that, my sister's birthday rolled around. She had a great time. She hit three bars, danced, all her friends went, she got a $250 iPod from her boyfriend, $100 to get her car fixed, and probably some other things I don't know about. That's when I got really angry. For my birthday, I got to go to Wonderland (an arcade) with Lovely Anarchy, my sister, and my almost-sister; I got a book from Lovely Anarchy; and a disk cleaner from my parents. I asked for more, although I didn't get any of it (I even asked my sister and her boyfriend to buy me Silent Hill 1 for $100, but he said he wouldn't pay that much for a game). But, what do I know? It's just my sixteenth. Nothing special. rolleyes
Finally, having to deal with all of that (and some other things I didn't mention), I feel angry, fed up, sad, irritated, bored, uncomfortable, and... Unsatisfied. The only time I ever feel happy anymore, is when I'm with my friends or when I'm listening to music. Otherwise, I'm very reserved and I barely speak. All of this just makes me want to move out. But, maybe it's just me being a teenager and wanting to rebel from my home.
Well, that's all I wanted to say. Nothing more.
-- SDjilliaRE
7/13/07 :: Scared to face them?
Everyone's over here, and I don't know why, but I felt... Scared... I felt almost terrified to walk by them. But, why...? sad
I'm literally trembling right now. I tried not to talk or show that I was uncomfortable, but I don't think it worked. I think they might check on me.
--SDjilliaRE
7/14/07 :: Temporary?
I feel a little better now. I got called a few names by Emos, and I talked to my dad (about something unrelated). I finally feel a little better. I'm just wondering if it'll wear off, or not. Dx
--SDjilliaRE
7/26/07 :: Solved~!
I talked to my mom about it, and she understood. I've mentally forgiven everyone but Tony. xD
Well, that's it. I'm not in a crappy mood anymore~!
--SDjilliaRE
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