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I have found that im in the center of many games that people play. Not the little board games and such, i mean the games of the heart. I dont really understand half of the time. Many claim ive played games like this, but thats never been on purpose. I know there are times where i have noticed the games, and i shot them right back in a persons face, but by myself? No, i havent on purpose. I really dont understand. Im trapped in the games of others and so im lost, i cant understand my heart anymore and the more i think i have it right, i actually have it wrong. As soon as i realize a new love, or new feeling, the old one comes up because of a game. Im not even sure these people know what they do to me, how my heart aches for comfort but cant find it. Then when i see what they say, my heart hurts so much more. I want what i cant have, like any other person, but for some reason, it hurts so much more. Games can be fun, but not these kinds, they hurt, they tear me apart, and they scare me. I become something i dont recognize and that makes me want to tear myself apart.

I want comfort, i want love. I want to feel im doing something right, but everyone says no, and things say no. I want to let these people go, but my heart hurts when i see them with some one else. I hate myself for that, im so selfish, but so wrapped up in these games that im lost. What do i feel? I dont know anymore... Cant i just disappear? Please dont feel its your fault, you know who you are. I love you, i care, but im wrapped up.... Im scared.