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After I broke up with Patrick, I swore to myself that I wasn't gonna get involved with anyone else that year. Boy how wrong I was. I was so lonely- and becoming suicidal. And I know you've heard it before, but I didn't want any more hurt. Men just seemed to invite nothing but heart ache.

Before I went out with Patrick, I had a crush on Dustin. But Jessika liked him and I didn't think he would want to go out with me since he seemed so much better than anything I could ever be. And even when I was with Patrick, I still sometimes thought about Dustin and what it would be like if I had gone for him instead. And later on I would come to wish dearly that I had gone after him.

So anyways after we broke up I didn't want anything to do with men and I was thinking of suicide. I mean, what was the point of it all? I was completely distraught at any moment my mind wasn't on school work, I was lonely, and I cried myself to sleep every night. So suicide became inviting.

Then that's when it happened. The band went on a trip to Beasley to play for the middle school band kids. The jazz band was performing at the moment and the other band members had taken seats among the small audience of middle schoolers. Anyways, I was just listening to the jazz band play when I happened to notice Dustin.

He was always so energetic when he played. It made me a bit jealous at times. I couldn't help but think, "I bet he's really strong," and then, "I bet his lips are soft..." This made me blush. I couldn't look away from him. I was almost afraid he would see me staring, but he probably couldn't even tell where I was. And it's a wonder Amanda and Jessika didn't ask me about the goofy look on my face.

That day I became obsessed with him. He was just like the coolest thing ever to strut across the band room (I still think he is, but I'm not as embarassed to admit it wink )

I don't know if he read this far but Dustin I'm your biggest fan!!! I LOVE YOU!!!