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by the way i do cry
man... i deny myself tears a lot. i think everything in the world im aware of has made me sad at least once. And a lot of stuff makes me want to cry. Its kinda depressing. I can fight off tears when its something bad, but stuff gets bottled up, and little things set me off. Tears taste good. Did you know that? have you ever tasted your own tears? bitter, cuz they're salty, but sweet, for me, because, hey, i dont cry much, so, well, its kinda nice when i do. But, ive got like, two days of school left, and a whole ton of people walked up to me and wanted me to sign their yearbook. So i asked them, why do you want to remember me? we werent friends. We barely talked. Why do i matter to you? And, a whole ton of people were like, of course i wanna remember you! you are so freakin cool! Your awesome! and im thinking... you dont kno me. ******** hell, no one knows me. I cant say half of whats on my mind. Or what i go through. to any one, except people i make up. and they dont exist. So how alone am i... but, how many people actually know any one? my friends dont know me. i dont know my friends. None of my friends would ever guess im gasping for breath im crying so hard. So are they really friends. Does any one really have any friends? You kno why im crying? theres a song called my will by dream. Its the first inuyasha ending, and i heard it by accident one time.... i love it. It makes me so deppressed. It makes me cry. And thats what set me off this time. You think it would be the fact im never gonna see some of my friends again, but no. Thats not why im crying. I dont get why im so depressed. I have a really good life. Ive been all over the world, great marks, lots of friends, im talented at a whole ton of crap, and im not ugly. I dont get it. Something is missing. So much is missing. I feel like im rotting from the inside out. It hurts. I feel so broken. Im growing up, and rotting. I can practically feel the hole. its between my lungs... and its dark, theres no back to it. I dont know how deep it is. Its gross. Its kinda green and gangrenous looking. And songs like this one, and tsuki no curse from loveless, seem to resonate in this hole. I dont get it. I know its all in my head but i cant help but feel it. oh my go, i need so much help. Why do people think im happy? Am i that good an actor? Its painful, knowing so many people like the shell of you. I dont think they could take the interior. How could any one else when even i cant?
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