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Since I feel I'm the only one that's ever on gaia anymore and I need gold I am now going to bore out your mind with my petty problems. You know things are getting really complicated with me right now. However if you cannot stand to read all this I really can't blame you. It even puts me to sleep at times. Strange huh? Well enough with that anyway.I feel like a freak to my friend Melissa's friends. Really I'm not, but they all are preppier than me and a baffled by dwindling interest in being popular. I don't care what they think but I wish I could say something without them being like "Ack! You speak. Well, I think it would be better this way." Actually one of her friends doesn't so I guess that statement was a bit harsh. Sometimes I feel that if people could read my mind they would be surprised by some of my thoughts. Another thing, I have boatloads of friends but not anyone they know so get over it chicas. Moving on, I have a major crush on the same guy my friend is crushing on. I just think that it is unfair to the guy though. Well, more unfair to me. This is only my third major crush EVER. I didn't even want a boyfriend until I realized I had serious feeling for him. He may not be the nicest looking guy but I connect so well with him. Even though I feel he thinks that I'm too emotional and gulliable. But I know he sees past me and can tell all of my feelings. I love him just so much and I don't think he sees me as a girl. I'd be shocked if he did. I wrote out a love note a few nights ago that he is never seeing. Esspecially since when I called his house because I was worried he was talking to my friend! Why can't he talk to me like we did when we were kids? My love life has stooped so low I'm talking about it over the internet. But I need to talk about it to someone. Now all I wish is that I could read the book I loaned out. And that he was in possesion of the same feelings I had for him. I could only invite him to prom but it doesn't matter. If only i could slow dance with him. Of course I could since we are such close friends. Seriously we are closer than close. ANother reason I wouldn't want to be his girl to avoid any break-ups. That voice is being drowned out by the stirrings of my heart though. I have to submit this post now.