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Do I really need therapy?
My mom doesn't trust me anymore. Oh well. I don't care. It's not like I trust her any. It's like -- ya know, little kids, they go running to Mommy and Daddy when they have a bad dream and they trust their parents to chase away the monsters under the bed. But here's a question: What happens when the monsters in your dream that are trying to eat you alive turn out to be one of your guradian angels? What then? It's a wake-up call, that's what. It makes you realize, What the heck are they gonna do, really? How exactly can these people protect you? That would be about the point that you just let go of them. You don't need them anymore, because you realize just how weak they really are if they can't even keep a relationship alive for the sake of their kids. It's not like I'm actually upset that they're divorced, no way. I don't want to live with my dad. I'd have to be crazy to want that. It's just -- what I hate is that they didn't try. They didn't think that it might upset my brother and I if they split up and we lived the rest of our teenage years without a dad. Sure, I don't think either one of us will forgive him for what he's done. But with me things are much more complicated. I'm the one who's trying to be a Christian over here, not Josh. He might be willing to forgive my dad. He might not even care. But I, on the other hand, will probably never let go of everything he's done to my mom. He bit her, for Pete's sake! What are they, demons? And he threw my brother against the wall, and he left me at home alone asleep to go to a guitar expo when I was three, and he threatened his father, and he bruised his mother's wrists, and knocked my brother's tooth out, and he was the one who hit us with a yardstick. I'm pretty sure he's the only reason DCFS was on our backs so much all the time, and we went to foster care for eight months because he refused to stop doing what wasn't working in the ways of discipline. I mean, good grief, man, that hardly called for such brutality! Still, though, if I'm trying to be a Christian, that means I have to forgive people for what they do and accept that noone is perfect and believe that it's not my dad's fault that he lost his temper. What I can't understand is why my mom stayed with him.... And I really shouldn't be abusing my body like that, since Jesus kinda paid for it when He died on the cross. That would be wasting it or something. And that's, like -- sacreligious or something. I can't be punishing myself for inheriting my dad's short temper. None of that is my fault.... Do I really sound like I need therapy?
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