A new day has past and everything is almost good. Almost, a word used when something is either not as bad or not as good as you'd hoped it to be.
For me it's not as good I'd hoped...
See I have this crush, on this guy... who just happens to be in my class and also just happens to have a girlfriend. Which just sucks, for me.
See this guy ii actually an ex to a friend of mine. Who just happens to be in my class to. And things are the way they are right now. But the thing is, a couple of weeks ago I asked the guy to hang out with me, alone. And he agreed.
So we hung out. And at the end of the whole thing I told him how I felt. It's probable the most risky and stupidest thing I've ever done in my entire life. And you can probebly guess he turned me down.
For reasons I cannot see clearly now. Reasons such as, he sees me as a friend, he already has someone and does not want to break her the way he got broken before and sadly... he didn't tell me this but he did not have to but he did not feel the same for me.
After, I made a joke to loosen things up. Then I when home and cried my eyes out. Don't really keep track of how many times I've cried over him and the fact that my first and true love doesn't love me back... but hey, you can't have everything huh?
I't's hard enought to see him in school now. Knowing he and I will never be.
But it's only a couple of schooldays left and after that it'll be easier moving on. And I'll be moving if I get in to the school I aplyed too. So I'm actually hoping, no more wishing I'd get in. So I don't have to see him that often. But I still want him in my life coz I see it's better then not in my life at all. And I hope I can move past this... move past this and be able to smile again. Smile again and really mean it. Not just fake happy smile I'm doing right now. But really smile.
Anyway, it's getting late here in Sweden so I'd better be going to bed. Nowing my parents they'd probably wake me at 10:00 am so... good night to you who's taken the time to read this sad pathetic journal entery.. but thank you. For taking the time so actually feel sad for me... even though I dont really want it. But thank you.
Bye! emo
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Ryoosai
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