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I'm getting tired of being told I'm not worth anything by my mom. It seems all I am is her favorite game. The game of worth. The card which seems to be her favorite, apparantly, is the Let's Ruin Her Day card.
I was having a crappy morning, I woke up an hour late. When my mom woke me up after coming home from work she looked at my report card for 30 minutes before railing on me on the way to school about how my grades are so horrible and that I was lying about how muhch I do in class.
But I wasn't lying. I do my work in class. I try my hardest to do what I know. When I don't understand something I ask for help. When I need to catch up on something I ask for help.
I swear if I just dropped out of school I would be a lot happier because there would be one less thing for her to b***h about. If she brings up saying I'm a failure and a quitter I'll remind her that in her eyes I was already one.
So why the hell am I continuing school if it all seems to be a waste of my effort when I get no praise for it? What use is applying so much effort it all just brings one down?
I'm seriously contemplating going to the Guidance office tomorrow and asking for imformation of getting out of school. I seriously don't know how much longer I can go with self-injury when my mom seems to want to play her games so often.
I promised Caity, Andrew, Lily, Rex, Manuel, Leo, Huy, Tram, so many people that I would stop hurting myself. And I'm trying so hard - but that trying feels in vain when it gets me nowhere but an urge to light my candle one last time and "accidently" hit it onto the floor. I'm trying to stop for the ones I love, but the one person whom I love the most is the one who keeps tempting me.
So what do you do when the one you want to make happy doesn't love you or care?
 Myth Tariyun · Fri Apr 08, 2005 @ 02:06am · 2 Comments |
