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Caught between hope and heart |
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This entry will be a bit different from the rest, I suppose. A lot different, in some ways of speaking, perhaps more personal to my feelings rather than my identity. But then, that's what journals are for, wouldn't you agree? To let out your feelings and perhaps remember what you want to remember - and to those type of angry entries, you know that when you look back and read them, you'll laugh at it and see how stupid you are for worrying so much. Yet, this entry.. might be a bit different - I don't know yet. I don't know whether I'll look back and laugh at this entry in the future, burst into tears of sadness, or just look at it meaninglessly as I contemplate the past. Only time will tell.
Back then, on that Wednesday when I was in Switzerland, I wrote an entry to this journal, finally revealing what had been stabbing my heart the days before. I must say that right now, I feel more of a hopeless and dramatic writer rather than anything else, and heavens knows why I'm actually going to write this, but all that shall come later, I'm sure. But the subject on what I'm writing here right now is exactly the same as what I wrote in Switzerland those weeks before.
I have two friends who are close to me - online friends, that is, under the name of Ayu and Sasuke. Needless to say, if you can see that I'm quite depressed now, you should know also that I'm quite attached to these two. Very attached, actually. I love them both and they're both cousins. I met them in a roleplay back in January (late Jan.) and I'm also proud to say that I was one of the very first people who posted in that roleplay and my character, at that time, was the only male ghost there was, so that got me and Ayu close rather fast. We roleplayed together, for quite a while, until she then introduced her cousin, Rion-san, to the roleplay.
I suppose that was when I got really close to the roleplay and them both. Rion-san's character is called Rionell and his character is really similar to mine. For some reason, Rion-san and Ayu-chan then sent me a few PMs about the secrets of the roleplay and the plot which was to come, only so I can do a lot as a knowing ghost. I was, truth be told, very much delighted that Ayu made me her co-writer for the roleplay. I was really really delighted.
Trust grew quickly after that and I began to learn more about the roleplay. We even did a Valentine's Special in February - something I don't think I'll ever forget. It was a fantastic event, a great memory. Rion-san and Ayu joined another roleplay with me, and we got really close - at least, I started to love them so much.
And then it came - the sudden Hiatus. They disappeared without a notice and the roleplays were halted for a while until Rion-san said that there were computer problems and that we could puppet the characters if we want. I seized the opportunity and played their characters, just to keep the roleplay going and not to have them miss out on anything. The week in Switzerland came and went and I found out that again, they logged on - Ayu promising me that she will return and go online more, and Rion-san saying that the roleplay would end soon.
The events after that are just a blur. I remember having Lu back and we roleplayed there alone between us for a few weeks.. and then Mink contacted me and she returned back to us. And now, today, surprisingly, Kattra came back and joined us again, along with a new character of hers which she sent to me trustingly. The roleplay, right now, is back on track. I just hope Ayu and Rion-san comes back soon so they can take the rightful title which is theirs.
While I am proud of managing to hold on, I do believe also that they will come back and that was what gave me the courage to do this in the first place. Would they be thankful or would they be angry? - It's a question I cannot answer just yet but I hope they will soon. I just hope so. One month might not seem so long, but it's a lifetime to me. I don't care that I had to take over - I don't care that I'm revealing what they should have done. All I want is to have them back because right now, with some people asking me if they will return, all I can say is; "If I know them right and if they're alive, they'll return sooner or later... one day. Hopefully."
End journal,
Rino-chan
 Rino-chan · Tue May 22, 2007 @ 08:08pm · 0 Comments |
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