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I always feel guilty when I spend money. Not before I spend it but soon after.

I feel like I am taking away from my family's goals, which are: 1) Meet your day to day costs, and make sure you're able to provide for your family if unemployed or sick (that means save to a certain degree) 2) make sure you have enough for retirement and 3) make sure your kid gets to college. And then there's making sure he goes to a decent school that will teach him about the big G (but he's years from that) and taking care of my girls in the modest way I can, and my nephew, and giving to charity more. Then I wonder about who will take care of my parents, or my sister, or my sister's son. These are all my financial goals that spending for things I truly don't need always leads to guilt.

Often times I wish I worked harder to have less. I can probably name several groups of people that are quite happy living within their means, and making incomes a little above poverty level. Those are great people to me. Happy with what they have, finding happiness in spite of what they are lacking. Not sad or distraught because they have less then so many people.

So tonight we watched a movie on our new incredible tv. Its so like being in the movies. We had a good time. The installation and everything exceeded our expectations. ANd it's something I need to be comfortable with. I am struggling going to school and working full time. It sucks. It's not too long ago that we bounced checks and wonderred where things would be paid. We're just at a point where we can do these things without a huge struggle.

I think I'll work a little better at making sure we pay the people we are suppose to pay and try to enjoy the fruits of our struggles after that. I don't think I'll ever be comfortable but so be it. Tonight with my bride and son was fun.