Vahn Fah
==Devil May Cry is a game created by Capcom (as said on box). All characters belong to Capcom. The Weakest Link belongs to...er..god...whoever created that game.This an old fan fic I did==
Host: Welcome to the Weakest Link May Cry! Here, we have 5 characters from the new hit game, Devil May Cry!
*Camera pans over the 5 characters: Dante, Trish, Bloody Mari, Nelo Angelo, and Mundus*
Host: "Let's begin shall we?"
Contestants: *nod*
Host: "Dante, in characters, who does Trish resemble?"
Dante: "Mom."
Host: "Correct. Trish, in characters, who does Dante resemble?"
Trish: "...What?"
Host: "Time's running out."
Trish: "Sparda?"
Host: "Incorrect. Sparda has horns, he does not."
Dante: "Hey, don't you start putting my dad dow--"
Host: "Bloody Mari, in the game, Dante must defeat HOW MANY of your minions before he may proceed to mission 2?"
Bloody Mari: "RAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!"
Host: "Judges?"
Judges: "WTF?"
Host: "No, sorry. Incorrect. Nelo Angelo, in items, what did you see that stopped you from slicing Dante's head off in the first encounter?"
Nelo Angelo: "The amulet."
Host: "Correct. Mundus, in motives, why did you come back?"
Mundus: "To rule the world in my own hellish image."
Host: "...Ok. Dante, in time, how long does the Melancholy Soul last?"
Dante: "Well, let's see...it took me 20 seconds to activate it. Then it took me about 30 seconds to run down the stairs. 40 seconds to pulverize the marionettes. A 3 second fall to the bottom of the stairwell. Then erm...90 seconds to beat the stupid shadow's a** in, only to find that the soul was dead. So that makes, uh, 3 minutes and 3 seconds?"
Host: "Incorrect."
Dante: "?!"
Host: "The correct answer is: 3 minutes. Trish, in quotes, what did you say when Dante sabatoged your attempt to squash him with your motorcycle?"
Trish: "I do believe I said, 'Such strength!'"
Host: "...Close enough. Bloody Mari, in numbers, how many grenade shots does it take to blow you into smithereens?"
Bloody Mari: "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!"
Host: "Incorrect. 2, 3 at the most. Nelo Angelo, in items, what did you take off in your third encounter with Dante?"
Nelo Angelo: "My mask."
Host: "Correct. Mundus, in world domination, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?"
Mundus: "Pardon?"
Host: "Incorrect. Time's up. You have bagged a sad sad 500 red orbs. That's not even enough to buy holy water. Shame."
[#] The strongest link in this round was Nelo Angelo. He was able to remember everything after getting knocked upside the head hundreds of times by Dante. The weakest link was Bloody Mari. You couldn't even understand what it was saying.
Host: "Cast your votes!"
Dante: "Bloody Mari."
Trish: "Blood Mari."
Bloody Mari: "REEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHT!"
Nelo Angelo: "Bloody Mari."
Mundus: "That simpleton minion of mine."
Host: "Well, Blood Mari, you ARE the weakest link, g'bye!"
Bloody Mari: "Eeee..." *shambles off*
The Weakest Link May Cry (Round 2!!)
Host: "Welcome back. We have just eliminated Bloody Mari, leaving 4 more contestants left. Let's begin. Dante, in bosses, which boss popped out of the statue of the lion?"
Dante: "The shadow, or the sin scythes in easy mode."
Host: "Correct. Trish, in cut scenes, what brought about the final demise of the phantom?"
Trish: "Dante?"
Host: "Incorrect, the spear of the warrior statue. Nelo Angelo, in items, what color does your sword produce right before you are about to attack?"
Nelo Angelo: "Blue."
Host: "Incorrect, cerulean. Mundus, in cut scenes, what did Dante use to escape from Mallet Island?"
Mundus: "I am the Devil King! There questions are completely irreleva--"
Host: "Incorrect, a plane. Dante, which sword is more powerful: Sparda, or Alastor?"
Dante: "Alastor?"
Host: "Incorrect, Sparda, you twit. Trish, in demons, what type of demon are YOU?"
Trish: "A powerful one?"
Host: "Judges?"
Judges: "...."
Host: "Accepted. Nelo Angelo, weapons, what are the names of the guns Dante yields?"
Nelo Angelo: "Lots of and Pain."
Host: "Incorrect, Ebony and Ivory. Mundus, in egoes, how big is YOUR ego?"
Mundus: "Is this a trick question?"
Host: "Incorrect. You people are pitiful with your bank of 700 red orbs total."
[#] There was no strongest link in this round. Mundus is the weakest link. Will the others figure this out? Stay tuned.
Host: "Cast your votes."
Dante: "Mundus."
Trish: "Mundus."
Nelo Angelo: "Mundus."
Mundus: "Dante."
Host: "Mundus, you ARE the weakest link, g'bye!"
Mundus: "WHAT?! How can this be?! I am the Devil King! I know all, see all, and hear all! How can you imbuciles kick ME off?! This is unacceptable behavior! DAMN YOU ALL!" *gets dragged off somehow*
The Weakest Link May Cry (Round 3!!!)
Host: "Hello again. Here we join our three remaining survivo--er...contestants. We have just eliminated Mundus and before that, Bloody Mari. Let's get started. Dante, in missions, what did you retrieve from the skeleton in the dungeon?"
Dante: "Its arm?"
Host: "Incorrect, Emblem shield. Trish, in cut scenes, how do the sin scissors make their first appearance?"
Trish: "Uhm..."
Host: "Wrong, one came out from the painting in the library, the other from the floor of the library. Nelo Angelo, in enemies, when a plasma is down, it splits into how many plasmas?"
Nelo Angelo: "Two."
Host: "Incorrect, three. Dante, in cut scenes, what did you have to jump on to get to the Ifrits?"
Dante: "Platforms?"
Host: "...Correct. Trish, in enemies, what is a baby phantom called?"
Trish: "A phantomling?"
Host: "Incorrect, kyklops or baby phantom. Nelo Angelo, in attacks, how many levels does Stinger have?"
Nelo Angelo: "Two."
Host: "Correct. Dante, in attacks, 'Air Hike' belongs to which god?"
Dante: "Alasto--no...Ifrit?"
Host: *slaps forehead* "Incorrect, Alastor. Trish, in weapons, how many guns are there?"
Trish: *begins counting.* "Hmm...Ebony and Ivory, the shotgun, the grenadegun, the needlegun, the Nightmare Beta...6?"
Host: "Correct. Nelo Ange--" *bling* "Time's up. You have bagged a total of 800 red orbs. What a pitiful sum. Vote."
[#] All members were tied this round. Who will be voted off?
Host: "All right, let's see who we get to boot off...(goody goody!)"
Dante: "Nelo Angelo."
Trish: "Nelo Angelo."
Nelo: "Dante."
Host: "Nelo, you ARE the weakest link, g'bye!"
Nelo: *casts a murderous glare at Dante, then to Trish.*
Trish and Dante: *smiles innocently.*
The Weakest Link May Cry (OMG! Round 4!!!!)
Host: "Greetings again. We are left to two contestants, but only one will make it through. Here we bring out the tough questions. Sudden death, no time limit. This is the end of the line! Dante, in missions, how long did you have to escape from the crumbling Mallet Island?"
Dante: "I was running for my life, you honestly think I was paying attention to the time?!"
Host: "Is that your final answer?"
Dante: "...No. 4 minutes?"
Host: "Incorrect, 5. Trish, besides nuking them, what is another, more entertaining way to defeat two kyklops at the same time?"
Trish: "Slashing them?"
Host: "Incorrect, hiding and letting them kill themselves. Dante, in gameplay, what commands must a player enter for you to recognize a roll?"
Dante: "Player...?"
Host: "WRONG, jump with left or right. Trish, what is the name of Dante's shop?"
Trish: *blinks*
Host: "Insufficient, Devil May Cry. Dante, what item can you use to destroy a large amount of enemies?"
Dante: "My swords...?"
Host: "INCORRECT. Trish..."
[5 hours later]
Host: *sigh* "Dante, in numbers, how many fingers am I holding up?" *holds up two*
Dante: *squinting* "Uhm, it looks like...3?"
Host: "WTF?! Trish, in names, what is YOUR name?"
Trish: "Zzzz..."
Host: "Judges, can we accept that?"
Judges: "YES!"
Host: "We have a winner! Congratulations, Trish! You've won a cruise around the ruins of Mallet Island, and 1000 red orbs.
Trish: "Zzz..."
Dante: "Those questions weren't very fair."
Host: Welcome to the Weakest Link May Cry! Here, we have 5 characters from the new hit game, Devil May Cry!
*Camera pans over the 5 characters: Dante, Trish, Bloody Mari, Nelo Angelo, and Mundus*
Host: "Let's begin shall we?"
Contestants: *nod*
Host: "Dante, in characters, who does Trish resemble?"
Dante: "Mom."
Host: "Correct. Trish, in characters, who does Dante resemble?"
Trish: "...What?"
Host: "Time's running out."
Trish: "Sparda?"
Host: "Incorrect. Sparda has horns, he does not."
Dante: "Hey, don't you start putting my dad dow--"
Host: "Bloody Mari, in the game, Dante must defeat HOW MANY of your minions before he may proceed to mission 2?"
Bloody Mari: "RAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!"
Host: "Judges?"
Judges: "WTF?"
Host: "No, sorry. Incorrect. Nelo Angelo, in items, what did you see that stopped you from slicing Dante's head off in the first encounter?"
Nelo Angelo: "The amulet."
Host: "Correct. Mundus, in motives, why did you come back?"
Mundus: "To rule the world in my own hellish image."
Host: "...Ok. Dante, in time, how long does the Melancholy Soul last?"
Dante: "Well, let's see...it took me 20 seconds to activate it. Then it took me about 30 seconds to run down the stairs. 40 seconds to pulverize the marionettes. A 3 second fall to the bottom of the stairwell. Then erm...90 seconds to beat the stupid shadow's a** in, only to find that the soul was dead. So that makes, uh, 3 minutes and 3 seconds?"
Host: "Incorrect."
Dante: "?!"
Host: "The correct answer is: 3 minutes. Trish, in quotes, what did you say when Dante sabatoged your attempt to squash him with your motorcycle?"
Trish: "I do believe I said, 'Such strength!'"
Host: "...Close enough. Bloody Mari, in numbers, how many grenade shots does it take to blow you into smithereens?"
Bloody Mari: "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!"
Host: "Incorrect. 2, 3 at the most. Nelo Angelo, in items, what did you take off in your third encounter with Dante?"
Nelo Angelo: "My mask."
Host: "Correct. Mundus, in world domination, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?"
Mundus: "Pardon?"
Host: "Incorrect. Time's up. You have bagged a sad sad 500 red orbs. That's not even enough to buy holy water. Shame."
[#] The strongest link in this round was Nelo Angelo. He was able to remember everything after getting knocked upside the head hundreds of times by Dante. The weakest link was Bloody Mari. You couldn't even understand what it was saying.
Host: "Cast your votes!"
Dante: "Bloody Mari."
Trish: "Blood Mari."
Bloody Mari: "REEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHT!"
Nelo Angelo: "Bloody Mari."
Mundus: "That simpleton minion of mine."
Host: "Well, Blood Mari, you ARE the weakest link, g'bye!"
Bloody Mari: "Eeee..." *shambles off*
The Weakest Link May Cry (Round 2!!)
Host: "Welcome back. We have just eliminated Bloody Mari, leaving 4 more contestants left. Let's begin. Dante, in bosses, which boss popped out of the statue of the lion?"
Dante: "The shadow, or the sin scythes in easy mode."
Host: "Correct. Trish, in cut scenes, what brought about the final demise of the phantom?"
Trish: "Dante?"
Host: "Incorrect, the spear of the warrior statue. Nelo Angelo, in items, what color does your sword produce right before you are about to attack?"
Nelo Angelo: "Blue."
Host: "Incorrect, cerulean. Mundus, in cut scenes, what did Dante use to escape from Mallet Island?"
Mundus: "I am the Devil King! There questions are completely irreleva--"
Host: "Incorrect, a plane. Dante, which sword is more powerful: Sparda, or Alastor?"
Dante: "Alastor?"
Host: "Incorrect, Sparda, you twit. Trish, in demons, what type of demon are YOU?"
Trish: "A powerful one?"
Host: "Judges?"
Judges: "...."
Host: "Accepted. Nelo Angelo, weapons, what are the names of the guns Dante yields?"
Nelo Angelo: "Lots of and Pain."
Host: "Incorrect, Ebony and Ivory. Mundus, in egoes, how big is YOUR ego?"
Mundus: "Is this a trick question?"
Host: "Incorrect. You people are pitiful with your bank of 700 red orbs total."
[#] There was no strongest link in this round. Mundus is the weakest link. Will the others figure this out? Stay tuned.
Host: "Cast your votes."
Dante: "Mundus."
Trish: "Mundus."
Nelo Angelo: "Mundus."
Mundus: "Dante."
Host: "Mundus, you ARE the weakest link, g'bye!"
Mundus: "WHAT?! How can this be?! I am the Devil King! I know all, see all, and hear all! How can you imbuciles kick ME off?! This is unacceptable behavior! DAMN YOU ALL!" *gets dragged off somehow*
The Weakest Link May Cry (Round 3!!!)
Host: "Hello again. Here we join our three remaining survivo--er...contestants. We have just eliminated Mundus and before that, Bloody Mari. Let's get started. Dante, in missions, what did you retrieve from the skeleton in the dungeon?"
Dante: "Its arm?"
Host: "Incorrect, Emblem shield. Trish, in cut scenes, how do the sin scissors make their first appearance?"
Trish: "Uhm..."
Host: "Wrong, one came out from the painting in the library, the other from the floor of the library. Nelo Angelo, in enemies, when a plasma is down, it splits into how many plasmas?"
Nelo Angelo: "Two."
Host: "Incorrect, three. Dante, in cut scenes, what did you have to jump on to get to the Ifrits?"
Dante: "Platforms?"
Host: "...Correct. Trish, in enemies, what is a baby phantom called?"
Trish: "A phantomling?"
Host: "Incorrect, kyklops or baby phantom. Nelo Angelo, in attacks, how many levels does Stinger have?"
Nelo Angelo: "Two."
Host: "Correct. Dante, in attacks, 'Air Hike' belongs to which god?"
Dante: "Alasto--no...Ifrit?"
Host: *slaps forehead* "Incorrect, Alastor. Trish, in weapons, how many guns are there?"
Trish: *begins counting.* "Hmm...Ebony and Ivory, the shotgun, the grenadegun, the needlegun, the Nightmare Beta...6?"
Host: "Correct. Nelo Ange--" *bling* "Time's up. You have bagged a total of 800 red orbs. What a pitiful sum. Vote."
[#] All members were tied this round. Who will be voted off?
Host: "All right, let's see who we get to boot off...(goody goody!)"
Dante: "Nelo Angelo."
Trish: "Nelo Angelo."
Nelo: "Dante."
Host: "Nelo, you ARE the weakest link, g'bye!"
Nelo: *casts a murderous glare at Dante, then to Trish.*
Trish and Dante: *smiles innocently.*
The Weakest Link May Cry (OMG! Round 4!!!!)
Host: "Greetings again. We are left to two contestants, but only one will make it through. Here we bring out the tough questions. Sudden death, no time limit. This is the end of the line! Dante, in missions, how long did you have to escape from the crumbling Mallet Island?"
Dante: "I was running for my life, you honestly think I was paying attention to the time?!"
Host: "Is that your final answer?"
Dante: "...No. 4 minutes?"
Host: "Incorrect, 5. Trish, besides nuking them, what is another, more entertaining way to defeat two kyklops at the same time?"
Trish: "Slashing them?"
Host: "Incorrect, hiding and letting them kill themselves. Dante, in gameplay, what commands must a player enter for you to recognize a roll?"
Dante: "Player...?"
Host: "WRONG, jump with left or right. Trish, what is the name of Dante's shop?"
Trish: *blinks*
Host: "Insufficient, Devil May Cry. Dante, what item can you use to destroy a large amount of enemies?"
Dante: "My swords...?"
Host: "INCORRECT. Trish..."
[5 hours later]
Host: *sigh* "Dante, in numbers, how many fingers am I holding up?" *holds up two*
Dante: *squinting* "Uhm, it looks like...3?"
Host: "WTF?! Trish, in names, what is YOUR name?"
Trish: "Zzzz..."
Host: "Judges, can we accept that?"
Judges: "YES!"
Host: "We have a winner! Congratulations, Trish! You've won a cruise around the ruins of Mallet Island, and 1000 red orbs.
Trish: "Zzz..."
Dante: "Those questions weren't very fair."
Vahn Fah
Note: This is what happens when you play Devil May Cry for six hours straight and then have to listen to your friends on an online forum talk about their favorite movie for about 20 minutes. Read on for details...
***
"Well, that was relatively easy." Dante said to himself as he entered the castillien's bedroom. The object he needed to get the Melancholy Soul was just above this room, and he had only needed to activate a simple elevator to get to. He gripped the handle of the Death Sentence tighter and began to swing it in a dramatic matter. He thrust it into the air.
"Too bad I need to use this, it'd make a decent sword."
*You watch too much Highlander, Dante. Do you do that with every sword you find?*
It was Alastor, the sword he had found a little while back. It was a great sword, but was unfortunately inhabited by a loudmouth and incredibly irritating lightning spirit.
"Quiet you!"
*Just complete the ritual and get the damn marble.*
Dante sighed and inserted the Death Sentence in its slot on the bust in the corner of the room. The "marble" fell from the mouth and to the floor. Dante pocketed it and turned to leave.
"Let's get going"
*Wait.*
"Oh Lord, now what?"
*I sense something.*
"Where?"
*...THE MIRROR!*
"What? That creepy mirror?"
Dante turned, only to see his own reflection emerge from the mirror and stand in front of him, grinning evilly. His "twin" proceeded to change his form; he wore a mask with horns and intricate black armor. A cape hid his grossly oversized sword. He drew the sword as though to challenge Dante.
He smiled, "This stinking place is the last place I though I'd find someone with some guts!"
The black clad knight made his way to the large double doors on the other side of the room. He stood in front of them, resting the tip of his sword on the ground and leaning on it like a sentry.
"What is he...doing?" Dante whispered.
*Just watch him, he might be waiting for...well, something.*
And so Dante watched him not moving an inch.
For three hours they stayed like that, neither moving.
"Okay, that's it! I've had enough of this ******** lunacy!"
Dante marched straight up to the knight and tried talking to him.
"Who the hell are you?"
"..."
"Hello?"
"..."
"Do you work for Mundus?"
"..."
"ANSWER ME, FOR CHRISSAKES!"
"..."
"This is really pissing me off! Look, I need to check the outside..."
Dante was interrupted, surprisingly, by the black-clad knight.
"None shall pass."
"W...What?" Dante stumbled, confused.
"None shall pass."
"W...Who do you think you are?! Do you know who I am?! I'm Dante! The Devil hunter! Son of Sparda! 'If he looks at a guy, even the Devil May Cry'!"
"The Black Knight...moves for no man."
Dante was mad, really mad. Who the hell did this guy think he was? He drew Alastor and brandished it in the knight's direction with only one word in his mind; 'Kill'.
*Dante! Calm down! It's just courtyard out there! Nothing important! This guy will tear you from...*
The clang of swords echoed throughout the room.
*Too late.*
"Die you s**t!"
"Have at you!"
The battle lasted for less than a minute before the first injury. Dante brought Alastor down with incredible force, severing the knight's arm from his body.
"HA! I win."
"Come on then."
"What?"
The knight was still trying to attack him.
"You stupid ********, your arm's off!"
"No it isn't!"
"What's that then?!"
Dante motioned to the severed arm on the floor.
"I've had worse."
"Liar!"
[This is all strangely familiar.]
"Come on! Have at you!"
"God..."
He brought Alastor down on the knight's other arm.
"I win."
The knight started kicking him.
"Chicken! Chicken!"
"What the hell are you doing?! I won! You have no arm's left!"
[Oh my God, this is...]
"Yes, I have!"
"LOOK!"
He looked, "It's only a flesh wound!"
"Sweet mother of mercy..."
"Come on you pansy!"
Irritated, Dante brought Alastor down on the knight's leg, severing it as well.
"I. WIN. DAMMIT."
"Pansy!"
The knight started hopping on one leg in his general direction.
"What are you going to do?! Bleed on me?!"
*This is ridiculous.*
Dante cut off the knight's other leg, leaving him limbless on the floor.
"Draw?"
*** MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE THE CASTILLION'S BEDROOM... ***
A large crowd of marionettes had gathered outside the door, listening to the carnage. Many of them were on the floor; clutching their stomachs and laughing like hell. One of the Bloody Marys even had a large bag of popcorn. But, of course, all great things have an end.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THERE?!
"M...M...Master Mundus?!" they all stammered at the same time.
I SAID, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THERE?!" AND WHAT IS THAT IN YOUR HAND?
The Bloody Mary with the popcorn didn't seem to notice the question was directed toward him.
I'M TALKING TO YOU!
[oh s**t]
The Bloody Mary threw away the popcorn, "It's nothing, Master."
ANYWAY, WHAT IS GOING ON IN THERE?! VIRGIL SHOULD HAVE KILLED THE HUNTER BY NOW!
"Well...er...someone brought in Monty Python and the Holy Grail the other day..."
FOOLS! DIDN'T I TELL YOU HE WAS IMPRESSIONABLE?! HUMAN ENTERTAINMENT IS NOT FOR DEVILS ANYWAY! GO IN THERE AND TAKE CARE OF THIS!
"Yes Master! Right away Master!"
The Bloody Mary turned and charged into the room.
***
"GENERAL NELO ANGELO!"
A Bloody Mary burst through the door; Dante turned to it.
"Oh God, you guys again?"
"Wait, don't kill me!"
"You can talk?"
"Your sword talks."
*Leave me out of this.*
Dante sighed, "What do you want."
"Just...stay there."
The Bloody Mary grabbed the one he called "Nelo Angelo" by the cape and dragged him to the mirror. Dante tried to follow them. However...
SMACK!
"Ow! Jesus that hurt!"
*Hahahahahahahaha! Did you really think you could follow them?! Dumbass!*
"Shut up!"
*Well, looks like we're waiting.*
*** THREE HOURS LATER ***
Nelo Angelo emerged from the mirror with all his missing limbs somehow reattached, his mask hiding the somewhat pissed off look on his face. The Bloody Mary followed, then stomped out of the room saying something about "not getting paid enough for this" (the reader may find it interesting that the large crowd of marionettes were still outside the room, laughing harder than ever. The Bloody Mary was, to say the least, royally pissed).
After the Bloody Mary's somewhat dramatic and noisy exit, Nelo Angelo couldn't help but notice that something was missing. This whole fiasco had happened because of SOMEONE, and he was missing. He began to search the room from his br... cough, cough...Dante, when he noticed a strange sound coming from the large bed at the center of the room.
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."
Nelo Angelo slapped his forehead in a "d'oh" gesture and walked over to the bed, muttering under his breath. He drew his grossly oversized sword and poked at Dante with it.
"Nnnnn, five more minutes.........no I dun wanna go t' school t'day."
*Wake up, idiot, or he might kill you in your sleep.*
"Wha..."
"Wake up, I want to get this over with."
"Huh?!"
Dante sat bolt upright in the bed and stared wide-eyed at Nelo Angelo.
"But you.....How.....Your limbs were....What the ********?"
Nelo Angelo held his head in his had, a "why lord, why?" gesture, and motioned toward the window. He motioned for Dante to say something.
"Er...'this sinking place is the last place I thought I'd find someone with some guts'?"
Nelo Angelo, not wanting to stick around, immediatly ran out the now open window.
*Well, better follow him.*
Dante sighed, got off the bed, and began to walk toward the window.
"Monty Python wannabes. What next...?"
***
"Well, that was relatively easy." Dante said to himself as he entered the castillien's bedroom. The object he needed to get the Melancholy Soul was just above this room, and he had only needed to activate a simple elevator to get to. He gripped the handle of the Death Sentence tighter and began to swing it in a dramatic matter. He thrust it into the air.
"Too bad I need to use this, it'd make a decent sword."
*You watch too much Highlander, Dante. Do you do that with every sword you find?*
It was Alastor, the sword he had found a little while back. It was a great sword, but was unfortunately inhabited by a loudmouth and incredibly irritating lightning spirit.
"Quiet you!"
*Just complete the ritual and get the damn marble.*
Dante sighed and inserted the Death Sentence in its slot on the bust in the corner of the room. The "marble" fell from the mouth and to the floor. Dante pocketed it and turned to leave.
"Let's get going"
*Wait.*
"Oh Lord, now what?"
*I sense something.*
"Where?"
*...THE MIRROR!*
"What? That creepy mirror?"
Dante turned, only to see his own reflection emerge from the mirror and stand in front of him, grinning evilly. His "twin" proceeded to change his form; he wore a mask with horns and intricate black armor. A cape hid his grossly oversized sword. He drew the sword as though to challenge Dante.
He smiled, "This stinking place is the last place I though I'd find someone with some guts!"
The black clad knight made his way to the large double doors on the other side of the room. He stood in front of them, resting the tip of his sword on the ground and leaning on it like a sentry.
"What is he...doing?" Dante whispered.
*Just watch him, he might be waiting for...well, something.*
And so Dante watched him not moving an inch.
For three hours they stayed like that, neither moving.
"Okay, that's it! I've had enough of this ******** lunacy!"
Dante marched straight up to the knight and tried talking to him.
"Who the hell are you?"
"..."
"Hello?"
"..."
"Do you work for Mundus?"
"..."
"ANSWER ME, FOR CHRISSAKES!"
"..."
"This is really pissing me off! Look, I need to check the outside..."
Dante was interrupted, surprisingly, by the black-clad knight.
"None shall pass."
"W...What?" Dante stumbled, confused.
"None shall pass."
"W...Who do you think you are?! Do you know who I am?! I'm Dante! The Devil hunter! Son of Sparda! 'If he looks at a guy, even the Devil May Cry'!"
"The Black Knight...moves for no man."
Dante was mad, really mad. Who the hell did this guy think he was? He drew Alastor and brandished it in the knight's direction with only one word in his mind; 'Kill'.
*Dante! Calm down! It's just courtyard out there! Nothing important! This guy will tear you from...*
The clang of swords echoed throughout the room.
*Too late.*
"Die you s**t!"
"Have at you!"
The battle lasted for less than a minute before the first injury. Dante brought Alastor down with incredible force, severing the knight's arm from his body.
"HA! I win."
"Come on then."
"What?"
The knight was still trying to attack him.
"You stupid ********, your arm's off!"
"No it isn't!"
"What's that then?!"
Dante motioned to the severed arm on the floor.
"I've had worse."
"Liar!"
[This is all strangely familiar.]
"Come on! Have at you!"
"God..."
He brought Alastor down on the knight's other arm.
"I win."
The knight started kicking him.
"Chicken! Chicken!"
"What the hell are you doing?! I won! You have no arm's left!"
[Oh my God, this is...]
"Yes, I have!"
"LOOK!"
He looked, "It's only a flesh wound!"
"Sweet mother of mercy..."
"Come on you pansy!"
Irritated, Dante brought Alastor down on the knight's leg, severing it as well.
"I. WIN. DAMMIT."
"Pansy!"
The knight started hopping on one leg in his general direction.
"What are you going to do?! Bleed on me?!"
*This is ridiculous.*
Dante cut off the knight's other leg, leaving him limbless on the floor.
"Draw?"
*** MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE THE CASTILLION'S BEDROOM... ***
A large crowd of marionettes had gathered outside the door, listening to the carnage. Many of them were on the floor; clutching their stomachs and laughing like hell. One of the Bloody Marys even had a large bag of popcorn. But, of course, all great things have an end.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THERE?!
"M...M...Master Mundus?!" they all stammered at the same time.
I SAID, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THERE?!" AND WHAT IS THAT IN YOUR HAND?
The Bloody Mary with the popcorn didn't seem to notice the question was directed toward him.
I'M TALKING TO YOU!
[oh s**t]
The Bloody Mary threw away the popcorn, "It's nothing, Master."
ANYWAY, WHAT IS GOING ON IN THERE?! VIRGIL SHOULD HAVE KILLED THE HUNTER BY NOW!
"Well...er...someone brought in Monty Python and the Holy Grail the other day..."
FOOLS! DIDN'T I TELL YOU HE WAS IMPRESSIONABLE?! HUMAN ENTERTAINMENT IS NOT FOR DEVILS ANYWAY! GO IN THERE AND TAKE CARE OF THIS!
"Yes Master! Right away Master!"
The Bloody Mary turned and charged into the room.
***
"GENERAL NELO ANGELO!"
A Bloody Mary burst through the door; Dante turned to it.
"Oh God, you guys again?"
"Wait, don't kill me!"
"You can talk?"
"Your sword talks."
*Leave me out of this.*
Dante sighed, "What do you want."
"Just...stay there."
The Bloody Mary grabbed the one he called "Nelo Angelo" by the cape and dragged him to the mirror. Dante tried to follow them. However...
SMACK!
"Ow! Jesus that hurt!"
*Hahahahahahahaha! Did you really think you could follow them?! Dumbass!*
"Shut up!"
*Well, looks like we're waiting.*
*** THREE HOURS LATER ***
Nelo Angelo emerged from the mirror with all his missing limbs somehow reattached, his mask hiding the somewhat pissed off look on his face. The Bloody Mary followed, then stomped out of the room saying something about "not getting paid enough for this" (the reader may find it interesting that the large crowd of marionettes were still outside the room, laughing harder than ever. The Bloody Mary was, to say the least, royally pissed).
After the Bloody Mary's somewhat dramatic and noisy exit, Nelo Angelo couldn't help but notice that something was missing. This whole fiasco had happened because of SOMEONE, and he was missing. He began to search the room from his br... cough, cough...Dante, when he noticed a strange sound coming from the large bed at the center of the room.
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."
Nelo Angelo slapped his forehead in a "d'oh" gesture and walked over to the bed, muttering under his breath. He drew his grossly oversized sword and poked at Dante with it.
"Nnnnn, five more minutes.........no I dun wanna go t' school t'day."
*Wake up, idiot, or he might kill you in your sleep.*
"Wha..."
"Wake up, I want to get this over with."
"Huh?!"
Dante sat bolt upright in the bed and stared wide-eyed at Nelo Angelo.
"But you.....How.....Your limbs were....What the ********?"
Nelo Angelo held his head in his had, a "why lord, why?" gesture, and motioned toward the window. He motioned for Dante to say something.
"Er...'this sinking place is the last place I thought I'd find someone with some guts'?"
Nelo Angelo, not wanting to stick around, immediatly ran out the now open window.
*Well, better follow him.*
Dante sighed, got off the bed, and began to walk toward the window.
"Monty Python wannabes. What next...?"
