Me:That doll is EVIL, I tells ya. Evil! Eeeeeeviillll!!!
Kid: stupid, you said that about all the presents.
Me: I just want attention.
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Mr. burns: so do u have a way to get rid of the protesters?
Me: One way to get rid of them is to tell 'em stories that dont go anywhere. Like the time we went over to shelbyville during the war, I wore an onion on my belt....which was the style at the time...you couldnt get those white ones, you could only get those big yellow ones.................now where was I........oh yeah, the important thing was I was wearing an onion on my nelt, which was the style at the time, you couldnt get those... (trails off)
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Me:ear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three.
P.S. I am not a crackpot.
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Mr.Burns: (To me)One more thing...You must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon!
Blake: Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr.Burns: And the road maps, and the driving gloves?!
Blake: Yes, sir.
Mr.Burns:Then its all falling into place!
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Mr. Burns: Do my worst, eh? Blake, release the robotic Richard Simmons
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Burns: Smithers, I've been thinking. Is it wrong to cheat to win a million-dollar bet?
Blake: Yes, sir.
Burns: Let me rephrase that. Is it wrong if I cheat to win a million-dollar bet?
Blake: No, sir. Who would you like killed?
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Me: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
me: That's the spirit. Never give up.
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Teacher: Now, take out your red crayons.
Ralph: sensei?
Teacher: Yes Ralph?
Ralph: I don't have a red crayon.
Teacher: Why not?
Ralph: I ate it.
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Apu: I have come to make amends, sir. At first, I blamed you for squealing, but then I realized, it was I who wronged you. So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service.
Me: You're selling what, now?
Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Me: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos.
Apu: He's got me there.
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Apu: Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie!
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Apu: I won't lie to you. On this job, you will be shot at
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Me: I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.
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Me: Moe, I need your advice.
Moe: Yeah?
Me: See, I got this friend named... Joey Jo Jo... Junior... Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
Joey runs out of the bar sobbing
Andrew: Hey! Joey Jo Jo!
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Rainier: My eyes! The goggles do nothing!
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Director: Up and atom!
Me: Up and at them.
Director: Up and ATOM!
Me: Up and atdem!
Director: UP AND ATOM!
Me: UP AND ATEM!
Director: .. Better
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Kid: It's valuable, huh?!
Me : Ooh, your powers of deduction are exceptional. I can't allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go, go, for the good of the city.
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Kid: Why does he have a comic book?
Me : Your questions have become more redundant and annoying then the last three "Highlander" movies
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McWizard Community Member 
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