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[what my mother taught me]

Mothers............Things we owe to our mothers

1.*_ My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE_*. "If you're
going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2.*_ My mother taught me RELIGION_*. "You better pray that will come
out of the carpet."

3.*_ My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL_*. "If you don't straighten
up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4.*_ My mother taught me LOGIC_*. " Because I said so, that's why."

5.*_ My mother taught me MORE LOGIC_*. "If you fall out of that swing
and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6.*_ My mother taught me FORESIGHT_*. "Make sure you wear clean
underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7.*_ My mother taught me IRONY_*. "Keep crying, and I'll give you
something to cry about."

8.*_ My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS_*. "Shut your
mouth and eat your supper."

9.*_ My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM_*. "Will you look at that
dirt on the back of your neck!"

10.*_ My mother taught me about STAMINA_*. "You'll sit there until all
that spinach is gone."

11.*_ My mother taught me about WEATHER_*. "This room of yours looks as
if a tornado went through it."

12.*_ My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY_*. "If I told you once, I've
told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13.*_ My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE_*. "I brought you into
this world, and I can take you out."

14.*_ My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION_*. "Stop acting
like your father!"

15.*_ My mother taught me about ENVY_*. "There are millions of less
fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like
you do."

16. *_My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION_*. "Just wait until we get
home"

17. *_My mother taught me about RECEIVING_* "You are going to get it
when you get home!"

18.*_ My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE_*. "If you don't stop
crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19.*_ My mother taught me ESP_*. "Put your sweater on; don't you think
I know when you are cold?"

20.*_ My mother taught me HUMOR_*. "When that lawn mower cuts off your
toes, don't come running to me."

21.*_ My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT_*. "If you don't eat
your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22.*_ My mother taught me GENETICS_*. "You're just like your father."

23. *_My mother taught me about my ROOTS_*. "Shut that door behind you.
Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24.*_ My mother taught me WISDOM_*. "When you get to be my age, you'll
understand."

25. And my favorite: -*_ My mother taught me about JUSTICE_*. "One day
you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"