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So a couple of weeks ago I was practically offered a teaching job but it turned out to be older kids, which I'm not comfortable with. I don't know the curriculum and they'd be taller than me. stressed I guess I could get over the curriculum thing, it would be a lot of work though. But I worried that I wouldn't be able to control a bunch of 12 year olds. I'm used to 7 year olds. I had decided I didn't want to teach anyway, too much stress, so demanding, etc.

Then, I start thinking nothing else will turn up. I should have taken the job. Even if I don't enjoy it, it pays well and I owe it to my son. sweatdrop

So I spent a couple of weeks being depressed. I rang the school and put my name down for casual teaching, as they needed someone for that too. I figured I could teach the class once and see what they are like. If the position is still available, well I could go for it after all.

Then today, guess what? An ad in the local paper for not one job but several jobs with the local bookshop!!! This is what I have wanted all along, but they had no positions. Now they are opening a second shop! Oh joy! I have four years experience in bookshops. Please let me get an interview.

But then stress again. Because now I have my family saying "oh but you won't get the school holidays and it won't pay as much." sad

Sure, it would be good to get the extra money that teaching offers. I want the best for my son.

Is it so selfish to want a job that I enjoy? No, I won't get the school holidays with my son. But I would be entitled to 4 weeks of holidays a year. I wouldn't be doing curriculum planning on weekends. If I get work on the weekend, it means I get some weekdays to help at my son's school and take him to school and pick him up. I value being there for him each morning and afternoon. Not to mention getting together with the other mums. When I came back here (son was 10 months old) due to divorce, I didn't make any close friends for five years. It was when my son started school that I made friends. I love going to pick my son up and catching up with the other mums. If I was teaching I would miss that.

My family seems to think teaching is the be all and end all.

What happens one day when my son is older? I'm still teaching and stressed because I chose a job that fitted in with the school holidays? Or I'm loving going to work each day because I'm in a bookshop?

Bah, don't mind me, I can't win lately and just feeling sorry for myself.