I've decided to deal with Brandon's diagnosis with faith and prayer ^^
I do hope that God could spare him.....poor guy. I'm home sick with the flu. However, I get no sympathy (as my mother put it) and I get to spread my disease amongst my peers. Oh joy. X3 Anyway, Kassy found out yesterday about me and Logan. She's pissed off, and in turn I've asked people for advice. The response? "Sounds like she'd running your life." Boy was I stunned! But now that I think about it, they were right. I mean, Kassy wanted me to give up Logan for Lent. Seeing as how we'd just met eachother and gotten together, I protested but eventually gave in. However, I lied to her. =_= Instead I gave up my books, music, AND email!!!!! But when she found out, did all of that matter? Oh no. Not to her. She screamed at me and sent the "Do this or I'm not your friend anymore " vibe. *sigh* I realized it wasn't fair. I mean think about it,
(1) She could give up Lent for video games and I couldn't give up my Lent? (this was before she found out, and I even asked her that myself)
(2) She can talk to whoever she wants, but I can't even talk to a guy who's my own age and who I seriously feel a connection with?!?!?
(3) I've given up all I ever liked to be her friend. I've stopped singing show tunes, stopped dancing in public, and stopped being my usual all around self
(4) She even had the gall to tell me one day when I told her about Logan,
"No, no Caira, you can't like him."
"Why not? He's very nice and-"
"Caira, I'm the emo, I like emo guys. You like punk guys and goth guys. "
Now that I think I about it that was totally uncalled for!!!! >< I sent her a pm with a clear message of spite in its tone. I think now that she hates me......but you know what? Like my new friend from Gaia just said, " If she's truly your friend, she'll support you in most of your decisions and understand your feelings." Well she's done neither yet, so this could take awhile. Knowing her, she's probably going to punish me by telling everyone to stay away from me and ignore me like The Pleague. She knows that I'm a social person and that not being spoken to or even acknowledged will shatter my heart. I know that I may sound like a wimp, but I honestly feel that way. I'm very close to people I meet. And she knows what my greatest fear is....... Nonexistance.
I've come to find out that my true fear above fear is the annihilation of my very being. Knowing that one day I'll be forgotten or my existance will never be known. This is my greatest fear. And the fear of living, breathing, and dying alone. These are the thoughts that bludgen my mind in all hours of the night.
Here's my daily pictures for you....I'm feeling a little morbid today. lol ^^
yeah I'm good.
