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Right now I'm feeling like I may have done the wrong thing.
I hate having to limit myself to what I can and can't say like this, but for other peoples' sake I gotta. If I had my way you'd all know me as well as I know myself. I have nothing to hide for my own sake and I wish I could help people learn more through my mistakes.
The only people I slightly worry about holding a reputation for are my family, because very few parents REALLY want to know what their kid is like. Or at least that's how I see it so far. It sounds so wussy but I'll say it, I cry sometimes because they don't know who I am or what I've been through. Not just that, but I know that they wouldn't be proud of what I've done and learned.
That's why I get so pissy about sharing my art, I put me in it. I put my experiences in it, I put everything I believe in and every lesson I've ever learned. You know how disgusting it feels to do that and have someone come up and say "There's no background. Put fluffy clouds in the background." ******** no. That's not even someone else's experience, that's just the urge to turn something passionate into something decorative that you can hang above your shitter. I could be communicating anything and communicating it well, I could be hanging up the deepest secret I've ever had for everyone to see, but they wouldn't get anything from it other than possibly "hey, that looks realistic, I'm proud that my daughter has technical skill." Nevermind that I've put up in front of you "I made faith out of nothing" or "my dad is never going to come within two miles of my child." I could say anything and they wouldn't get it, but I refuse to amount to an artist that spells everything out. I don't respect that unless it's done on a deep and deliberate level.
"I like my friends. I painted a picture of me and my friends in generic front view poses smiling. It is very realistic." Well, that's great, you have technical ability and you'll probably get a lot of attention for that. But what do your friends mean to you? Obviously not very much if that's the only statement you can make about them with a piece of art.
"This is a painting of a girl with her heart bleeding." Take three seconds to think of what that might mean. Think of the main idea? Yeah, me too. Three seconds over, next please. It's boring, it's obvious, it's not worth looking at for nearly as much the amount of time that was spent on it. Obviously this person was feeling full of angst, had their heart broken, blah blah. "But I can totally relate!!" Well that's excellent, I hope you people actually start trying to LEARN something from a heartbreak rather than saying "it's a heartbreak" and leaving it at that. If you can only end a relationship by becoming a total emo afterwards and keep all the bad things with you for the rest of your life, then what the hell is the point?
Anyway. My train of thought slipped around quite a bit there. I'm not wearing a beret, I swear.
I guess I just talked myself out of feeling bad. When I started writing this I had a specific event in mind, buuut. -shrugs- I believe it was more something on the radio that brought it up in my head again. ******** the radio, I'm doing okay. A selfish vent never hurt much.
 Ten Ten · Fri Feb 16, 2007 @ 03:43am · 0 Comments |
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