Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I don't really know if I can find a real true friend in this world. Recently I recived a letter from a friend insulting me in many ways. The letter I recieved.

"Cream Soda(Me) and Pepper
At first I thought I would get descriptive of my feelings, But I've decided not to bore you with my life that just dosen't seem to matter. To put bluntly, I feel like I'm losing everyone including the two of you. This hurts to say, but I have to do it some time.

Cream Soda: You are becoming the stuck up, arrogant, attention hog that everybody thinks you are.

Pepper. You somewhat simmilar, but it's more like that you act as if my world revolves around you. Let me assure you that it doesn't and it never will. Your becoming a snob.
The both of you are becoming people that I don't know and frankly I don't want to. Now, I promised to be blut so I'll stop here. The last this that I'l like to say is that I understand if neither of you want to talk to me for a while, of course it is predictable from your kind.

_________(I will not say the author of the note)


Many won't read this but I hope it reaches those who know me. I'm Art_Dork, I'm a girl who really grew up alone. My sibling being in school because the are much older than I. My parents having to work all day would take me to my Grandparents house and leave me there. Both of my grandparents were busy with other things to play with me and my aunt who lived there was at work. So, I would be left all alone in solitude. This went on until I was old enough to go to school also. My siblings who are older than me would only get along with me through video games. They would tease me to the point I would break down and run to my room.
Most people who are close to me don't know this about me, but my abosolute greatest fear in the who wrold is to be completly alone in a world of people, and to know nothing but loneliness.
Now I'm much older and go to school and have lots and lots of friends. Also the guy I like. (Strawberries) I really thinks he likes me back. but my closest friend the one I call a soul twin the one that wrote the letter the one who says she dosen't want to know me calls me conceaded, arrogent, and spotlight hog. I know that I can be somtimes but who isn't around their friends. I know that and she says it to the point I act like a flippin SNOB!
I remember back to one day when we were hanging out. We were playing cards and talkign about the guys we like when she asked me. "What if I happened to like Strawberries to?" Then I said I guess that i would be mad at her. She then said. "Then dose that make you a true friend?" I shrugged and let it go.
I know that everyone can be conceded sometimes, I mean we all want attention. I grew up alone with no one around me, my family was there but wasn't there for me. I even got to the point one day when I cried because I missed the ones I love. I don't say this with anger and I don't say this because I pity her and I don't say this because I'm mad or sad or happy for any matter. I say this so that I may be able to have someone who will be a true friend to hear my voice and listen.
I have this repeating nightmare that has happened over and over again and I wake to find no one is in the room to cling to. The nightmare that repeats night and day.
Me remaining in a locked caged in a locked cage and everyone in a room is a friend of mine or person who knows me and everyone around looks at me but no one talks to me. I'm alone.
I have other friends that will support me and I have other friends that say they are more self centered than me. She always talks of true friends but if she is turely mad at me and hates me then dose that make her not my true friend? Plus saying that she is losing her friends well she is wrong just when I want to communicate with her it's like something is so much more important of me. Recalling a day she told me that. I asked why she dosen't write me notes and she said. "Maybe I have something more important." More important. Not to get religious but the way I feel is god is more important and so is Jesus but the fact that not talking to your friend who you call your soul sister and saying that something else is so much more important than that.

Friends are suppose to have trust fun and love and care for their friend. I need to find that friend will not patronize me in anyway.