Yesterday i was at my friends house , and still am and we preety much drove all over town but in the end i got counter-strike:condition zero ^-^. The highlight of my day was being able to know mandy was okay after kerry and i kinda yelled at her, shortly after that i found out she had feelings for me at some point, but moma said she cant date anyone from my demolay chapter because it would "divide" the chapter if she dated even one person from the chapter. *sigh* i think god is canadian and just wants to get back at me for all those canada jokes... Whitch probabbly would explain the whole fact that i can never seem to find true love... Oh well keep trekkin ya know... yesterday i kinda cried.. about that whole fact ... and mandy saw me and was trying to make me feel better, but it really didn't help.. THIS SUCKS!!! What the heck... what are you people talking about when she dated josh the chapter was not divided at all everybody just went about their business and nobody cared. Also i wonder if mom a just doesn't want mandy or me to be happy or something like that... Not that my best friend kerry can't have her its just mom a doesn't have a problem with him.
I just wonder why mandy has to be included, i mean all she did was break up with mom a's son josh waaaaaay back when.. okay like 2-3 years ago now i think.... Maybe kerry is right who knows maybe i should be showing more emotions that not caring anymore, its just a little hard when im constantly in a state of depression almost. and if anybody thinks that im just saying all this for pity kiss my a** because im not, i dont want anyone's pity like my last journal entry said...
Last night mandy asked me if i wanted to kiss her, and well.. truthfully i love her and i want too SOOO MUCH.. but i just can't, i mean it would be my first kiss... and even though she is someone special, it wouldn't seem right unless we were dating. That's just my opinion though, nobody has to listen to me. Although i did hold her hand which was a big step for me since im always uber nervous and stuff. Also, I layed down and her boob was in my eye, but i didn't care because I just got to show that i still had feelings for her. Something did bug me though i mean im going to be open about this im not mad at anyone just really jealous thats all.... because, my good friend kerry can kiss her and stuff without getting all nervous and stuff.... and i can't, but it bothers me to see them cuz i have feelings for her but i dont let it really bug me to like hate or something i just let it slide..... thats all i have to say... goodbye allz...
PheonixFlare Community Member 
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