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In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the
Earth and populated the
Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green
and yellow and red
vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live
long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and
Jerry's Ice Cream and
Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want
chocolate with that?" And Man
said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're
at it, add some
sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan
smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman
might keep the figure that
Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white
flour from the wheat, and
sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman
went from size 6 to size
14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan
presented Thousand-Island
Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the
side. And Man and Woman
unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy
vegetables and olive oil in
which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep
fried fish and
chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own
platter. And Man gained more
weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named
it "Angel Food Cake," and
said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate
cake and named it "Devil's
Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His
children might lose those
extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote
control so Man would not
have to toil changing the channels. And Man and
Woman laughed and cried
before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in
fat and brimming with
nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin
and sliced the starchy
center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man
gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume
fewer calories and still
satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's
and its 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Yes!
And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good."
And Man went into
cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
Thought for the day .....
There is more money being spent on breast implants
and Viagra today than on
Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there
should be a large
elderly population with perky boobs and huge
erections and absolutely no
recollection of what to do with them.
 kanin · Wed Feb 09, 2005 @ 08:58am · 1 Comments |
