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Ok so I have been seeing this guy since Aprilish. He made me so very happy at first. I even let him move in with me. I am very territorial so that is something. We did not have much in common other than the rabbits and that we liked to party. I could not imagine him not being in my life. We talked about having kids and our future plans, etc.

Now I am not so sure of myself. He told me one night a little while ago that he was not ready for kids and wanted to wait for another couple of years. Well that would put me at 30+ by the timeI would have gotten pregnant and had the kid. That part did not settle too well with me. I mean what changed his mind so suddenly?? I was convinced that he found something wrong with us and wanted out or to hold off because he was now unsure about "us." Well that of course got me in a rage. I did not know what was going on...second thoughts, another woman, etc. Well then I convinced myself that it was another woman...i found all kinds of reason :

1.) not wanted to drive my car to his moms like he did almost 50% of the time
2.)being gone on the weekends for 10-12 hours at a time after telling me he would only be gone for about 3-4 hours
3.) shutting down his yahoo IM as soon as i walk by
4.)lack of desire for sex
5.)lack of everything that he use to do

And those are just some of them. Since then I have kinda changed my feelings for him. I have not seen him in the same light.
On November 11th he went to a rabbit show without me. Stupid him he left his yahoo up. I found things on there I would not believe he would have written. Stuff about meeting women for gangbangs and such. And some of the emails and messages were only from the day or 2 before. I did not know what to do. Everyone told me to pack his bags. But dumb me I did not...I let him feed me a line of s**t.

Well Since then things have not been the same. I think mostly because i still can't forgive or forget those things. He said when we first got together that he would be busy with school and would not be able to work....but I have now found this to be untrue as well. He comes home after only a couple hours of school then he sleeps or watches a movie or plays on the internet....so I asked him to get a job and help out and i think i heard every excuse possible.

So now that i have had a chance to see how lazy he is i know i need to get rid of him...but do i wait until after the holidays?? I don't think i mind if i am alone for Christmas. Esp. since i dont want him to be introduced to my family down at my dads. I don't want to be judged by them on bringing an idiot there. I thought that after all this time I would want to take him to meet my family..but no not really.

And you always know it is a bad sign when you start looking at your friends or aquaintances in a different light. Like my date last friday. I should not have done that but i did. Nothing happened other than a hug but still i know in my mind and heart i have done them both wrong.

Time to get rid of the boy it seems. Lilith help me find the courage to get through this without looking back!