ok so i was asking my friend if he could chose a weapon to use (like a sword or bow) he answered "poison" I told him i meant like a real weapon that you hold. and then he answered a "needle" arrrghhhh!!! then we finally decided on a human, that could turn into a pack mule! geez, my friend is such a sadist...he likes to make me and my friend nancy suffer...
anyways, i was reading volume 11 of d.n. angel. when i saw argentine, i felt sad. he didn't do anything...but his mood was so...empty that i felt like crying. he was made (he's not human) and he kept mentioning how his creator was always afraid. his tone, his mood, his face, everything about him was sad and empty! it made me feel so sad and desolate...(i am so lame...)
its almost christmas! yayay! i get to spend more time with my cousins and family, and i get to spend time with my best friends! lately, i haven't much time for that, because we all go to different schools... but we sure have changed a lot.
if i think back, we used to be all young and innocent or "gold and beautiful" but, like a poem i read, "nothing stays gold" and "nothing in this world stays beautiful and pure" i believe that, but nothing is pure in this world anymore. its much more true than it sounds. but that doesn't mean we have to be completely pure to be happy. if that was true, then none of us would be happy. but i'm happy with my life. i have the best friends, an awesome family, cool people who always make me laugh.
but yet, i feel there's something missing, like a small broken piece off a jigsaw puzzle. my life is complete, but yet its falling to pieces before my eyes, and i can't do anything about it... o god, i don't even want to think about whats happening right now... that small piece of my life is leaving me, and i'm never gonna get it back...
i wish that i could live in a fantasy life sometimes...maybe that way i could escape this life, this world...but...even in fantasies, there's still something wrong, there's still that broken piece of the jigsaw...but life wouldn't be life if it didn't have the problems, the obstactles and its pieces anymore right?
but...i'm not gonna fall! I'm gonna stand and maybe i might fall, but i'm gonna stand up again, even if the pain is unbearable. maybe someday, i'll get to fly...
i don't mean that literally(well i do, but...) but in an emotional and mental way. i'll find those wings and break free someday.
