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Eck.. Okay, I was torn between two decisions. Leaving my online life for good, or keeping it up. I tried making my time here minimal but really, once the computer goes on I find some way to d**k around until oops, it's 11:00 and I need to do a ton of other things before I go to bed.
The obvious answer would be "well, just don't d**k around for hours and hours." But after about 5 years straight of the same thing over and over every single day, I guess I've lost a bit of self control when it comes to this dumb machine.
When I started spending countless hours like that, I didn't care. I didn't have to care, I had no social life, big problems with my dad, and I basically wasn't allowed to leave the house anyways. Honest to God, my dad was not okay with me taking a walk down the street until I was 14 (I live in a village where the biggest crime ever reported was probably a comb stolen from the IDA). I was also very unusually smart for my age growing up (I dunno about now XP) so I didn't have to worry about my studies.
So I used my online life as an escape pretty much. On here I could have friends, I could talk to people with an ounce of intellect, I could ignore my stupid dad and forget all about the kids at school treating me like s**t. It was good, for a while it really helped and I really liked it.
But look at me now, I have a lot of close friends, my dad isn't quite as bad, my studies are heavier, I'll have a job soon and I'm preparing for post secondary education and really my whole life. Not only do I not need this place, but I really don't want it. There are some amazing people I've become friends with but well, they're not my reality. I don't plan on spending the rest of my life IMing them, I need that time to do something real with my life.
I realize I'm kind of talking about this as if it's a serious drug addiction or something, but when it comes down to it it might as well be. Two years ago I went to see my doctor and he told me I had the health of the average 70 year old woman. And no he wasn't exaggerating. That was a SLAP. @_@ After that I started trying a bit harder, but the social/family/school stuff was still there, so I still really wanted to be online.
Gradually things started getting better (with short ups and downs) in my real world, and gradually I started to dislike the internet more and more. Right now, I'm 20 pounds lighter and decades "younger" than the day I saw my doctor. I hardly ever get sick anymore, and I almost never ever reject a chance to spend time with friends, including school days (if you don't know me that well, I used to skip about 40 days a year).
So what can I say, I've come a long way and I don't want a dumb machine tying me down when I could be doing so much more. To the friends I've made online over this time - I love you guys and I don't say that lightly. You've done so much for me and you guys are the reason I keep coming back. I've always wanted to be around if you need me because a lot of you have stuck around to do the same for me. You are true friends no matter how we met and I appreciate you more than I could ever say.
Some of you have my numbers, whoever doesn't just ask for them anytime. I'm not saying good-bye forever because sometimes I have nothing to do and reallyreally want to do something on here, plus I'll still be checking my e-mails often. I just want everyone to understand that I don't want anymore of this as a constant thing, it's damaging to me in a lot of ways. I want to be a successful artist, not a hunched over depressed senior citizen.
So just e-mail/PM as often as you want, phone from time to time if you feel like it (not everyday though, I love ya'll and stuff but I'm not a phone person XD). I'll see you later, and we'll see where this takes me I guess. (:
 Ten Ten · Wed Dec 13, 2006 @ 10:37pm · 2 Comments |
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