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Its been rather a mixed bag, starting at college. My expectations for the lesson's where too high I realise. I figured that they would cover every thing that I needed to get my higher grade Maths and Science Pass. But no such luck, they only offer standard grade maths, wich means all the work that goes into higher grade I need to do on my own. How the hell am I supposed to do that when I havent' even passed Standard Grade maths! Not to mention the maths in my head isn't as freash as it should be. My lecturer Mr Chugle (Chug~Lee) says that he can only barely cover the grade 12 syllabus this year, so that means I have to do the grade 11 stuff on my own, wich is proving to be difficult since I don't think I could ever do the grade 11 work.

I must say Im not in very high spirits about what is going to happen. It feels like all of my hopes and dreams are resting on getting a C or better in a subject that scares me. Maths scares me, its scaring me because Im supposed to know concepts and ideas and how to do the stuff all like yesterday. I fee very much rushed and I don't know if I can go through with it. All I can do is work as hard as I can and hope it produces results. But still I am doubtfull...

What happens if I fail? And falier is everything below a C!
Will I then have to spen ANOTHER year doing maths. My back is up against the wall. I need to fight. But I don't know if Im strong enough against a monster I can't really see.