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Yes, this entry was kind of inspired by the one in Celeste`'s journal, but it's true and so i though maybe i'd get off some of this load as well...

To be honest i feel kinda down a lot.... (depression maybe? who knows.. xD) ... even if it doesnt last a long time, but sometimes i feel like crying but i dont, even if my parents hear me sniffing ... well....

I cant really stand the atmosphere in my house which is why i dont like going home, but i dont like school either... so i live mostly for monday and wednesday afternoons as well as the weekends when people arent around much and can leave me alone. I know my brother cant stand it either in the way that he's already blown his fuse. He's younger than me so he's had this a few extra years, yet while my patience lasts, he's the one blowing off at my parents and getting us both in trouble which is why there is always yelling in the house, as well as yelling at 1:00AM in the morning, regardless of neighbours or not i suppose...

I've never written something like this before... never really revealed my true feelings, so I suppose why its such a relief to write my stories and read manga where you can see people have it much worse and yet their family life is so much better.

Why?

Because you canat least tell that their parents love them and that even though they might be arrogant sometimes and force things, you know that they love you. I have no reserves in saying my parents would throw me out if i did something wrong, and them telling me that i definite,y wont pass the school cert doesnt help either.

Why do i stay up late all the time? Because i know that that's the only time i can be alone and away from other people judging me, ie my parents mostly. That's also why i like the computer more than real life. But lately also...

The fact that my friends dont speak to me anymore hurts. THe fact that they dont even bother sitting NEXT to me hurts. Yes, there's a few who have been doing that.... i dont know what happened after camp and after the holidays, but all i can say is that im glad that Azure` and kitsune dragon are still around, before i really get to be like daisy....

I feel really depressed now, so ill go cheer myself up again... even though i should do my maths homework... huzzah.... crying