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I really wish I could start over again sometimes. Every day is an opportunity to start over obviously, but once you've gotten into it it's kinda hard to say no to everyone.

I'm not saying I can't handle my own mistakes, I do and I wouldn't trade my experiences for anything. Learning the hard way is the only way you learn anything, and for me, I am damn thankful that I've had those obsticals to learn from. Even if I did somehow choose them all myself, I still thank God that I've been able to gain so much. He/she's the one that let me take part in them afterall. (:

I guess what's tying up my panties is that I havn't fixed a lot of my mistakes yet, and I see my friends who havn't gotten into anything like this. They've been raised so organically compared to me. They joined local teams when they were little, they grew up playing outside, they spend all their free time working or painting or being together. I wish I had turned out like that sometimes, meanwhile I am pouring my life into a shitty computer and always worrying about abuse.

But yes, I am thankful for it. Those friends I was talking about, they don't have a lot that I have. That's why I couldn't make friends for a long time, because everyone in real life just seemed flat-out stupid. I was so used to using the internet for conversations with older people, and people with the kind of intellect I wanted. I learned tons from them, and just the internet in general. Yes being on here all this time has taken a toll on my health, but I'm smarter now, and I got over the real problem. I've made friends with the most awesome dummies in the world in real life, and I wouldn't give a s**t if they couldn't spell their own name. Plus I've met some great people online who've stuck with me the whole way.

So basically I am whining that something good is eventually going to hit me again. XD Yay me. Hope that didn't sound like complete rambling.