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I havent been able to talk to Steph for 2 or 3 days, so I got the feeling she was ignoring me. So now shes pissed off at me for that. I hate to be a worry wort but I do worry, I've had a shitty record with women. I had a girl that got with me and dumped me all in one day. Ive had girls who abandoned me off and on. My first girlfriend cheated on me with four guys at the same time. Then everytime I tried to move on, she would use suicide to get me back cause I would feel guilty about it. I ******** cried when she actually tried to OD.

So when I worry about me and Steph Im really worried cause I want it to work. I dont want her to end up hating me. I dont want to lose her to someone, I just want it to work. An ex of mine who is a friend still told me shes surprised I havent given up on women all together considering how often girls have stabbed me in the heart. I think shes right. It is shocking that I havent given up. I sometimes feel like giving up on love, but I believe in love, and I believe in me and Steph. I dont know if it will be perfectly happy, but I know Im mature enough to try and fix problems that exist in the relationship and not give up like I have in the past. I want to do this because, Steph is the girl of my dreams shes the kind of girl I have always wanted. A girl who lets me be me, doesnt expect me to be normal, and is more than someone I love, shes also a friend.

If I can get over my insecurities and fears that Im gonna ******** up everything, I think me and Steph will make it work. Im willing to give up so much for her, I just want her to be happy. Because if she is happy. I am too. I just need to remember my past is just that past, it cant be changed. I wish I could take back what I said about how I thought she was ignoring me. I was acting out of stupidity and only wish I had thought about what I was saying. I just hope I dont ruin what I have with Steph because of me being a stupid guy...I just want to make sure it lasts. This is a priority to me, making sure the woman I love is happy. Im an emotional mess, I know this. But what can you expect I dont like to make people angry. I truely am way too nice, I wish I wasnt so nice but I am...