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LITTLE BILLY ON GETTING OLDER


Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar

after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said,

"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give

you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little BILLY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

"Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a

time?" "No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own ******** business!!"



LITTLE BILLY ON...PHILOSOPHY



A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and

you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little BILLY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your

thinking." Then little BILLY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women

sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides

of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking

the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one

that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little BILLY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the

wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."



LITTLE BILLY ON... MATH



Little BILLY returns home from school and says he got an F in

arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father." "The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?'

I said 6," replied BILLY. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she

asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the ******** difference?" asks the father?

"That's what I said!"



LITTLE BILLY ON...ENGLISH



Little BILLY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going

to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a

multi-syllable word?" BILLY says " Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says,

"Wow, little BILLY, that's a mouthful." Little BILLY says, "No, Miss Rogers,

you're thinking of a b*****b."



LITTLE BILLY ON...GRAMMAR



One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show

hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same

sentence twice. First she called on little Suzie, who responded with,

"My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then, she reluctantly

called on little BILLY. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my

father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just ******** beautiful