Okay, I know that I haven't written for a lond time and there is a reason for that. I am battling anxiety and depression. I have been having difficulties with this all my life. and it's really hard to explain this to anyone that hasn't ever had it. It's far worse than just a panic attack it is a heightened anxiety and panic at all times. I don't show it because I am really good at hiding it. I'm tired of pretending that it is not there.
I am seeing a therapist and have been since August, and I am taking medications for anxiety and depression. Quite a lot. I tired of hiding it. I know there is something wrong with me but I know that I can get over it. Or at least maybe stop having so many panic attacks.
I feel so bad and guilty for not taking classes and I have told this to many people. They suggest that I take a part time job, They don't understand that I can barely get myself up in the mornings let alone be stuck in a place where I feel like I can't get out. I just am so tired and depressed all the time. I think that people are thinking and judging me all the time. It is hard for me to go out in public, even to go to quik trip is hard for me.
Everytime I have one of these panic attacks I have another symptom come up. I am so scared that they will keep on comming and will get worse and I will have to live with and live off my parents for the rest of my life. That I will let everyone down. I know that this is not the reality,but logic is not a part of this.
I don't think that I am making much sense but it is hard to explain what is happening, I want this to stop but I can't go back to the way I was because my body won't allow it. It can't take the stress.
I have so much obsessive thinking that I can't stop. I just want this to stop. No one really understands because no one except for my teacher has ever had this.
 Jaded Tatersalad · Fri Oct 06, 2006 @ 07:37pm · 0 Comments |
