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I'm writing this to get it out. I don't want or need anyone to reply to it. I just need to get it out in the open before it tears me to shreds.

IRL Im a terribly lonely person. Which is not to say that there are no people around me. There are. They are loving and careing individuals, all with lives and happiness of their own.

Then there is me. A single person looking into all those lives of love and happiness. Watching them all like a peeping tom, seeing into the windows of their lives and joy. When it comes down to it.. that is all I can do.

I tend to be actually very shy and silent. As outgoing as I try and pretend to be, I am not. I am happy.. or try to be happy being alone.. on my computer.. reading or playing a game. I am too nervous to go out places, and I am socially awkward.

The even more sad thing is I fall in love with ideas... situations... all of which are false. In the end I hurt myself and others.

Why? Because I am lonely.. and being so makes me pathetic. Im not.. looking for love.. I am looking to be loved. To be wanted.. and in doing so..

Well I don't know.. but Im sorry for who I am. For what I am..

But I am me...

~Terry