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Dear Journal,

Today I found out my middle sister, Rebekah, 18, is pregnant.

Enviouse... angry... worthless... are just a few words to describe how I feel: not at her, me.

I can't have children.

I guess I should feel happy for her because she at least has graduated high school and that this will be my niece/nephew, but she's not Christian...

I just want to curl up and die right now...

I really believe God is torturing me! My step-sister has two kids, one of my best friends has a baby and another one on the way, and even her mother is pregnant. I also have another friend who was pregnant, but misscarried.

I hate myself right now.

I hate life.

I feel so worthless and taunted...