Okay, what the hell. I was just reading all of my old journal entries, and is it just me or have I changed a lot? They weren't written that long ago but still. If I had read those in anyone else's journal right now I'd think "hey, I really don't like you."
I also noticed that I've been getting even more stupid as I go along. And I mean that in having a general sense that by reading it, you can assume how smart the person is. From then to now I have gotten a lot smarter in some ways, I mean I must've done something right if I know now exactly where I'm going in life, developed my own outlook to keep me going and changed my personality for the better (I hope?).
I dunno, going from a shy girl with an eating disorder to a suicidal b***h with no friends to this, what I am now, on my own over the coarse of 3 or 4 years makes me feel like I've accomplished something big. Well no, it's more than that, but I don't really know how to explain it. I have done so much for myself and other people in the past little while and I've never felt better. If I've ever been this happy in my life it would've been when I was tiny and didn't have a clue what was happening. XD
So in that sense I have grown a lot. I've become smarter as a person and dropped way down as a student. It makes me kinda sad that instead of getting smarter in school with the rest of my friends that I just let myself go in that area. For the last year I basically just worked when I damn well felt like it.
Now that I've got myself like this, hopefully I can concentrate on both areas. Because really, I can say that I am smart without hesitating, I was just too absorbed in sorting myself out to care much about getting a high average. I hardly did anything and my average was around 76% for the year. It's sad that I could've done so much better, it's sad that my friends thought I was stupid, and it's sad that my family even suspected I was getting into drugs because of the sudden missing IQ, but now that it's over with I feel unbelievably good. I'm going to have to go back to working hard, but hey, I get to show everyone that they were wrong now.
I still have my share of stuff to take care of, but I've gotten so up on everything that I really don't even feel like I have any significant problems.
So I don't know if anyone else has noticed a change in me but if you have, I hope you like it because it's probably going to stick. n.n
 Ten Ten · Mon Jul 31, 2006 @ 04:08am · 5 Comments |
