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I remember those times when I was little and all the adults would tell you that being different was special, weird was wonderful, etc. etc. Maybe I should have clued up earlier...maybe when they started getting me books as presents where my sister who's three years younger than me was getting jewelery and make-up and all that kind of girly crap. I guess I didn't really care...however, recently I have been feeling more and more like I don't belong in this house...even in this family...

Okay, okay I know this is sounding emo and it's going to get a lot worse...do if you don't want to read it don't, and I hope that my moment of weakness does not lower your opinions of me, if you even read this, that is.

So, here's the thing...I have never liked football, in fact, I've never liked sport. Even when I played netball, I never REALLY enjoyed, it's just that that's what everyone pushed me toward. I am a bookworm, a gamer and quite unsocial most of the time, which I'm sure annoys most people that try to keep in contact with me. I always accepted this, and still do, however my ability to withstand the constant put me downs by my relatives, both close and not so close, has dropped significantly.

I can't help who I am, in fact, they're the ones that pointed me in this direction, wanting me to actually DO something with my life. I'm the one that was always destined to go to university, who cares about my three siblings, they'll be lucky to complete year 12 successfully and noone really cares if they do. Now, most people reading that would think that that's worse than my situation, but they're obviously not considering the amount of pressure and stress that I'm put under trying to satisfy their hopes for me.

I could deal with the pressure until we moved back to the city, after only three months here my wonderful father had almost physically hurt me and had most definitely managed to emotionally scar me. No, I'm not exaggerating...what he did that night under the influence of alcohol I'll never forget, nor will I forget the countless other times that he's emotionally torn me to shreds in front of countless relatives and friends.

I suppose sometimes I bring it upon myself by being the complete and utter b***h that I am...well at least that's what I'm told...but at the moment I'm sick of the taunts and false accusations. I think one of the reasons my tolerance is so low is that on Saturday I did him a HUGE favour. I went to a football game to help HIM out at the kiosk thing that HIS junior football team has, and got no thanks whatsoever. I gave up my Saturday night and got absolutely no recognition for it, in fact, things around here have probably gotten worse since then.

I think that tomorrow I'm going to walk somewhere, I'm not sure where yet...but somewhere that's fairly far away...just to avoid being at home. It's probably the safest thing to do...

...but anyway...this is the situation I've been dealt and I'll just have to make do with it the best I can. What really sucks is that one of the few times I feel like I REALLY need one of my friends...noone's here...